Dear Diary,

So....got lots to say, but I posted some great thinsperation pics last night, and I don't want anyone to miss them since I am updating so soon.

Pics of Britney Spears fat, and other such celebs skinny or not....

Heres the Link...so check them out.

Anyway, so I did talk to Z last night.... Z=code name for the new guy I just met and have been talkin to...for future reference...

He didn't go to bed early, and he talked to me online and then on the phone again until like 3am. He had to work so early again too. He's so sweet-he said it was just coz he wanted to talk to me. He's a pretty cool guy.

And then, I talked to him again this afternoon while he was at work. He works on a computer all day so he gets on aim sometimes. He's supposed to call me tonight around 10, but I am having some issues.

I know Clint knows I talk to guys online a lot, but he doesn't know much else. Clint is supposed to come over to my place around 7 and help me with some online math class I am takin and tryin to finish up by the end of summer. But he also thinks he is spending the night since he doesnt have to work tomorrow.

And half the time I don't care if he stays cause we dont do anything but go to sleep. He might as well be my roomate or something. We dont have sex or touch or kiss or hug or any of that, so it's totally friends-relationship. We're just so close that staying over pretty much doesn't mean anything.

But Z is s'pose to call tonight at 10! And I'm not trying to wave this new guy around in Clint's face. I know he'll be hurt and sad even though he knows we are just friends now.

I don't know what to do though. And I know Z and I will talk for a long time too. Ugh.... I don't think I can make Clint stay at his house cause he'll wonder why and he'll be hurt anyway. Most of the time I make him stay b/c he has to get up early and I tell him I am plannin on stayin up Really late. And he goes to be so freakin early so he loves to stay at home if i say that. But he doesn't have to work tomorrow so he'll be like "Why?".... argh....

I am thinkin of maybe tellin him..."Oh-lets stay at your place!" and then I'll tell him I'll be over around midnight or some crap like that so I can still talk to Z for a while.

I know I should just be honest with Clint, but he knows this is how it is now, but I also know he'd be hurt so I'm trying to keep it out of his face. He'll be so busy w/vet school soon and hes not gonna have much time to spend with me anymore anyway. He's already been talkin about how all the vet students have time to do is go to class, study. eat dinner, sleep, get up before class, study more..etc all over again. Sounds pretty boring. And I'm definitely not gonna get to see much of Clint then coz he's a total nerd when it comes to school.

Z is pretty cool though....a little too laid-back for me...but i'm not 100% sure on that one, so we'll see. I'm dying to lose some more weight by the time we have our date which will more than likely be next week or the week after that. I want to see him soon for sure, but I also could use those 2 weeks. I have to go home this weekend so it's a no-go for a date, and then next weekend i have to work a lot so i dont know. I'm gettin desperate. I want to look great when he first sees me...so i need all the time i can get.

I've already lost 3 lbs. since I started, but I need to lose more faster... But I don't think I can revert to fasting cause I'll eventually screw that up or pass out at work one...

I dont know how I'm gonna do it though. I am thinkin of tryin to break up restricting with fasting? Anyone know if this works? Will it help me lose more faster?

I dont have a problem with short fasts, I just can never do the long ones. I can only go for about 4 days or so before I usually have to eat something.

So, I think I'm gonna fast in short bursts for like 3 days and then go back to restricting for a while and then do another short fast. I can't keep tellin this guy i can't hang out with him, but I'm definitely not going up to him at the weight I am at this moment. I know-it's sorta sad and superficial, but I wanna make a good impression, and if I lose some more, I'll be feelin really good about myself and we all know confidence is sexy.....

I wonder if I can hold him off until after next weekend? This weekend, he knows I have something to do so he hasn't said anything, but I just KNOW he's gonna ask me next week to do something for the weekend but i really need more time...

Hmm....i do have to work a lot then, and mostly at night which was when our movie date would be. Idk, i guess I'll make something up and then go ahead and SAY to him that we should plan something for either that next Fri or Sun, since I am going to a concert on that Saturday. He can't be too disappointed when I say i can't and then make definite plans. right?

I dont know why i go through all this when I'd really actually love to see him, but I really wanna feel more comfortable with myself when I do see him....so I guess I'll just have to talk to him and get through one more week after this one.

anyway, so far today, I've only had 300 calories, and I was thinkin about makin it 440 for a total, but I might not. I need to lose ASAP, so I might not eat anything else now that I've figured out my plan and how much I want to lose before seeing Z. Boys are great thinsperation too.... I think I needed this to get me off my ass and back into gear to lose more weight....

So actually it's a good thing.

Anyway, I'm bout to go hit the tanning bed.. (i gotta be tan and gorgeous too!) and then I have some gay orientation thing at work tonight at 6 to go to. It's gonna be so dumb, but I think we get paid for it, so oh well.

Anyway, hope everyone else is doing well and think thin!

WEARING: Blue-jean skirt, White t-shirt, flip-flops Hair in ponytail

LISTENING TO: "Over the Hills and Far Away" Led Zeppelin

MOOD: Hopeful, and a little giddy...