Dear Diary,

Don't know why I haven't updated here in a while. I guess Life has just been happening, and things are just kinda blah so I havent felt empassioned to really record the mundane.

A while ago, I was experiencing some really self-depricating behavior. Not something I'm proud of, but I just got caught in this weird cycle. Things kept happening and of course it involved drugs and alcohol. Thats how shit like that always happens. I've just been hanging out with too many guys lately and they all want sex. It's so annoying, and I'm tired of it.
Thats kinda over now....I stopped that kind of behavior, but it kinda sucks. Some of the guys I hung out with (duh) still wanna hang out with me, and I just can't. I don't want to have sex so meaninglessly right now. At least not until I want to. I'm kinda over that for a bit now.

I'm just kinda floating through life right now though. Just like doing things, but I don't feel like I'm making any real progress.

So, I guess I should write down the biggest thing that happened to me recently. My house got broken into and I got robbed. lol It's so funny to just like blatantly state that. Anyway, I heard them come in (I was sleeping) and I got out through the kitchen and out through the back porch into the back yard. Initially, they stole my MAC computer(which I'm still paying for $3,000), my digital camera, some jewelry, and my wallet. But it was 2 14 yr old boys from the middle school down the street. The cops were on to them and they took me to try and i.d. the kids so I guess they got scared and knew they were suspect. So, one of them finally confessed, and I got my computer back.
They are gonna give my camera back as well, but the kids filmed themselves rapping and doing gang signs so they are gonna use it for evidence for the trial.

Anyway, I have a gun now, and I'm trying to make the outside of the house look more lived in. When my cars in the garage, it just looks like an old house ya know. So, we are thinking about a security system etc. Because the kids wanted to come back and steal my t.v., and I am just worried they were bragging to other kids about what was in the house and who knows how many other theif-wannabe-gangster kids they have over there.
So, I'm still on edge a little. I have the gun so I feel better,and I've been sleeping with it next to me in the bed so it's a short reach.
I have my dog back so that helps too, but I worry about when I'm gone if someone were to break in and hurt her since she is so small. I try to think it's an isolated incident, but you just never know.
So, I'm nervous about that and the weirdness and loathing of the new house is back upon me a little.

I had trouble accepting the house in the beginning since I saw it in it's unsightly state before we fixed it, but then I got better and got over it. But now, I'm kinda disliking it again because people seem to think it is empty and not lived in. I put some Christmas decorations outside hoping it might help. So, we'll see.....

Anyway, I am working on a total body makeover from now until school starts back in the 2nd week in Jan. I have to pay some overdue gym fees from having a lost/stolen credit card. I guess they changed the number (sometimes before they didn't) so the gyms auto-charge wouldnt go through. I'm gonna try and pay that when I get paid tomorrow so I can start going to the gym constantly.
I'm just working part-time and kinda looking for a new better job. I'm gonna try and walk maya in the mornings and then hit the gym later. So thats like exercising twice. I really can't decide about fasting vs. restricting. I wanna fast but don't think it'll work too well so restricting is probably a better idea.

Anyway, whatever.... nothing too exciting is going on in my life. I'm tired of partying with guys and getting stuck in sticky situations when everyones drunk. Why can't we all just go out party, have fun, and no sex.

anyway, i'm glad to have my computer back. I thought my stuff was long gone. So thats one good thing.
Anyway, I think this body issue stuff is permeating my life right now so I think thats the main priority for the meantime.

guess I'll update later