Dear Diary,

I have wayyyyy too much make-up.
I gotta pack this weekend, and I swear...I could fill up like 6 LARGE boxes of JUST make-up.
It's gettin sad now...i have like 35 different blushes, 25 lipliners+, at least 100 lipsticks, 150+glosses,tons o mascaras etc etc etc..
Of course these are esimated numbers, and I bet I have more than those numbers.
And it's because u forget what u have. Hell no I didnt pay for it all though...workin as a make-up artist has it's perks. I have over a $2,000 in Christian Dior make-up, lipstick, decor accessories alone. But CD is also very expensive...I have almost all the eyeshadow quads and they are $50.00 a piece if u are paying.
And the bracelet/lip gloss fantasy set is $70. Just things u wouldnt pay for unless u were just throwing money around. But it's cool...CD makes the best lipstick and shadow, and I have a shitton of it....every color under the sun.
But u forget what u have...cause i see a cool new color that i can have and i'm like excited and get it as a comp. But then I go home and it sits in a bag full of lipstick that i can't even dig through to find a color. It's maybe a pink lipstick so then it's like #232 of pink lipsticks that I now own...you see my problem.
But then after I use them, it's bad to give away, but I try to only use the ones i know i will continuely use to save the others to give away to whomever I want. I love giving away free stuff as part of workin in cosmetics. It's funny. It makes people SO SO SO happy. And then I like to give it to relatives and friends etc...and it's cool b/c it's stuff they'd prob never pay for, but might consider after they find a fabulous color.

Expensive make-up really is worth it if u find the right shade that makes u look like a rockstar. I mean, c'mon, thats priceless if u find a color or item that was "made" for you. It's really worth the investment. Of course, it usually takes a lot of money to eventually find the right one, but thats where i come in.
But anyway...needless to say. my mom and my sister have more make-up now than they know what to do with.
And I'm gonna have to buy a whole desk just to keep it all in.

It's my playtime though..i love playing with make-up and I've gotten so much into it even more year after year. Experimenting is my fav...color is my fav, and dramatic make-up is my forte'. And a client who has a good face and comes in to experiement is a make-up artists dream. I love those.
Great face, eyes, and u can do SO much...it's the best. And I can do eyes like nobodys business...it's what I'm known for...even in nyc.
But I think eyes are the most important....the window to the soul...and everything else is just their compliment.

Anyway, so yeah..haha..i love make-up. But that wasnt what this whole entry was supposed to be about.

Anyway, 6 days....ah! I'm freakin a little...i have so much to do, and now i'm stuck in between pay periods having to pay so much upfront. I gotta wait on my next paycheck which is after my parents come, and then I gotta cancel my gym membership (gonna be a huge pain in the ass), and my tanning membership or else they will keep charging me.
And u have to do it in person so i have to--have to do that before i go.

But things are sad. Work is flying by fast, and I'm kinda like...well shit...why couldnt i have waited a little bit longer. But ya know....no matter what, it woulda been the same.
The same kind of issues and then I'd have less time to be at home getting my portfolio ready, working out, gettin tan, and looking for an atl apartment.
And even as i say that...i would love to be home at this minute. But u know how it is....when things are coming to a close, you tend to reflect on the good things that happenend and whats happening now and how u feel right now. Not what it was like, and how the majority of it was, and how unhappy or sad u were over a period of time.
You don't think over those times, or feel those at the time when u are getting ready to leave. Not instantly anyway.
So, I'm feelin kinda sad b/c things are going well at work...but then again, the fridays and weekends are always high energy and fun. But the regular work week can be a big drag.
And then all those nights and weekends i spent alone....

And today St. Patrick''s Day. I almost let it get me down, but the events for next week kept my mood in high spirits.
But everyone was drunk and crazy and havin fun on this Friday for St. Pattys day in nyc. And my roomate and her boyfriend came in my work around 7:00 and were both shitfaced drunk, and everyone was so wild and weekend-crazy.
It made me feel a little sad to not have plans, and it felt like a day that (if i werent in nyc) that i would def be out with friends partyin it up.
And I was kinda sad going home alone on the subway while everyone was out beginning a wild night, but ya know...I was tired, and I came home and ate, watched some tv, and talked to my parents, and then time goes by like it does.
So, now I havent thought about it..the day is pretty much over.

But still.....it was days like these that destroyed me here....days when i wanted to do somedthing any-thing and K wouldnt go out with me or would make plans without me, and i just felt so alone and trapped. I didnt know people to go out with, and i was literally "forced" to stay at home even if i wanted to go out. And thats just depressing...and after time...it kills.
But things just didnt work for me...and after the plan to move....i def stopped trying at all. But even when i was desperately looking for an opportunity, any single opportunity to meet people, guys, girls, whatever....they never happened. And really they didn't.
I'm so optimistic, and I was looking for them, and I thought something would eventually happen....but it really never did. So on top of that and everything..i just think now is not the time for me to be in nyc.
And i might come back....i feel empowered to. Even in leaving work, no one thinks it's a bad thing that I am leaving, and they want me to come back and visit definitely.
So, idk...i tamed the wild city of the world...i was successful in most tasks...i can handle life on the streets of nyc. (and u can say that shit b/c life in nyc..any kind of life is 'life on the streets') You're always walking around neighborhoods safe/unsafe at night, in the morning...always on the streets.

So, I would be totally chill with coming back if something led me here. But i know what to expect.
I'm just worried guys are gonna suck back in the south.
It's hard enough to find the guy-type i like in nyc, and it should be even harder in ga.
BTW, Goldfrapp and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are like 2 awesome bands. I mean, they've been around, but i've revisited their stuff and it's so hott.
"gold lion" and "phenomenom" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs rocKs! and Goldfrapp..."one" "TRAIN" "ooh lala" are great.

sorry...totally random, but im listening to it on itunes.

anyway....ah, i'm so excited about this next week! AAHH! my parents are coming on FRIDAY! ahh!
so excited....and then i'll get to see my baby Maya! my yorkie.... it's been since Jan since I've seen her and i miss her SSOOO much!!!

i have SO much packing to do...seriously..it's sad what i havent done...and i've been puttin it off.
But now I have Sat. and Sun off so I am gonna pack all this weekend and try to get as much done as possible.
Hope I get a lot done though...or else the rents will be pissed. I've never been a very good packer.
I just dont know how to put my things safely in a box, and i dont wanna fuck them up.
I dont have any bubble wrap or paper to keep them secure, but then i have like perfume bottles and such...and they are just in a box right now with a whole bunch of other bath and body shit...and it's all gonna break or something...
idk...it's not that i'm not smart enough...i guess i'm just lazy...i'll figure something out.

It's good I have the weekend b/c thats partly why i procrastinate. I start projects and I don't like to stop until I say so...and having one day or one evening to pack doesnt work for me. I cant work in a small alloted amount of time. I need a big stretch of time and no set limit..and then i'll work for a long time and knock a lot of stuff out. But i can't have limits placed on me.
So having this weekend off will be great for me.

anyway...im gettin tired of typin...i gotta wash my fab-u-lous green eye make-up off and go to sleep.

goodnight! and HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!!!!