Dear Diary,

so ywp, had a little bit of recovery time for a hwile and kinda went maybe 1 1/2 weeks eating kinda normally again, but goods news---i didn't gain back the weight i had lost before even still!!! Yah!!

I guess thats cause I really didn't binge, just ate like lunch and dinner most days.....I had a lot of stress and no time to feel crappy and not eat, but now I am ready to get back on track. I am feelinf fat again and feeling retarded for letting myself get away from the diet plan for even that amount of time...

Why am I taking time off from my diet??!?!? I don't have time for that!!!

One of my goals is to be way thinner than my highschool weight by Oct.31st

Cute Halloween costume and I am going on a big weekenmd trip with losts of old and current friends so I wanna look hot!

I also just applied for the 2nd time to the Graphic Design program at my school. It is an excellent program andthey only taKE---GET THIS---12 people! Yep and like 75 apply. And no one has even gotten in on their first try except like one girl I heard. So, it is pretty tough, but I feel like my chances are much better this year, but I am still kinda setting myself up for another disappointment. I probably won't get in, and then I will be forced to double major, but actually if I did get in, I would still wanna double major in something.

These are my narrowed down choices to double major in.

--Fabric Design (i have always wanted to be a fashion designer, but unless you do haute coture and move to New York,---theres no money in it.)

--Magazines: Journalism (work at like a Cosmo and write and design!)

--Art Education (teach later on...as in college teaching)

--Theatre/Drama (a big one i love but just havent had much experience in. so i feel like i won't fit in, or wont be able to do it)

So whatdaya think??

Too many choices really.....i can't pick.

I need to go to the career center. I am waiting to find out about Graphic Design though, and i will know and maybe be sad 2-moro. But based on people I know who have got in, all but one of my pieces is not something I am sure they would like. If I don't get in, I will blame it on that piece cause I feel indifferent towards it----they will either love it or hate it!

So, anyway, I gotta get to dieting so right now I am semi-fasting/semi-restricitng.....or basically I am not eating, but if i feel crappy and need too...I can eat one small thing...like a bowl of Special K (200 cal) something like that.....

And it's easier to stick with it if you have a relaxed and not so strict attitude about it all. I am never able to keep on restricting just because of the fact that I put such stress on myself to not eat--and i always break down from the pressure, so now with no pressure maybe i can do better.

Plus, it's an easier way to adopt everything. Don't think about not eating, just forget about it and don't, and then you don't keep thinking, oh, i havent eaten in 2 days, oh i haven't eaten in 3 days...etc where you maske your mind start to panic and think you need some food or that its time to stop. If you forget where you began, when you last ate and keep yourself busy, the days kinda blend together and then one day you step on the scale, and are like wow...I've lost a ton of weight.....

So thats what I am hoping

ok, i gotta get off my work computer and get to work...ttyl