ok, so clint thought i was gonna break up with him so he more than made up for all that stuff. He really thought i was gonna break up with him, and he went crazy. he came to my class before class, and brought me a 4 page letter from him about how much i mean to him, and all this stuff. I mean, i know he is like way in love with me, but im just not like that. i dont fall way in love with someone just like that, and i think i was upset by all that stuff he did, but i also think i just wanted to start a fight or something...
That happens to me sometime, i just like some small conflict in a relationship; it keeps it alive, and not getting boring..., plus, i had t be all dramatic to see how much he cares about me, which i think i got more than i bargained for.
i know i will end up breaking this guys heart cause he wants to be with me forever, and hes just like as happy as can be. he wouldn't mind if he never dated anyone ever again. However, I know i still wanna date other people, and plus I am moving after i graduate. i am not gonna live here forever, and i think he'd be happy just doing that. we are different people totally, but somehow we find a common ground.
ugh, and he loves country music, which is ok ya know, i can appreciate it, but i can't listen to it 24/7. and he always listens to his music in his car, and then whenever we are in my car, he changes my CD or station to somthing country.... i CANNOT STAND IT! I feel like screaming wildly when he does it! I hate it! I change it back a lot, and he kinda fights with me about it, but i have never snapped, i always want to, but i am never in a bad mood already or its like when we are going somewhere and we have to be together later so i cant be all bitchy.
But i hate that, and i can't imagine my life with me not being able to listen to what i want on the radio, or to jam out to Incubus, or some R&B or something.... Cause he won't listen to any of it, pop music, rap, alternative etc, he can't even stand to listen to a whole song, and i like techno and other fun stuff and i just cant stand that we dont get a long about that. it's justy one of many signs that we aren't for each other...
but for some reason, we are having fun now and enjoying each other, but if he gets into graduate school here, that'll be another year with him here, and i just can't do it. i can't. i want him to go somewhere else, so we can have a "break" because hes too far away, but if he stays i cannot deal with it, i gotta date other people some time! So i am slightly keeping my options open.
like tonight, w e went to the Smoothie Cafe' and this totally hot guy was checking me out cause we both walked in at the same time, and he looked at me and smiled in line, and i didn't say anything--i should have, but i didn't cause i was about to go sit with my friends. he was seriously hot though; i think he is an athlete or something cause he was hella buff, and like 6'5 or something, really tall,etcc.
Aaahhhh.......all my missed opportunities. i swear i miss everyone that comes my way & always for very stupid reasons.
so anyway, i am trying to restrict/fast until spring break, but my friends keep making going out dinner dates with me. I am supposed to go out to eat with friends on thursday, and then to lunch with my dad on sunday.
but i dont wanna eat.
and i hate it when i have to; it ruins my whole day knowing i might have too.
i gotta stop eating, but its hard, when i need so much energy throughout the day. i am playing on a softball team for fun, and i would hate to suck cause i am sick etc. so i try to eat a little, but then i hate it cause i dont wanna eat at all!
its a vicious cycle
but im on my way
im tired so i am going to bed, i gotta get up early and study some, so i will write more later
