Dear Diary,

Hey,

So--i missed like 2 classes today and slept in....yeah, i suck~.....i wish i woulda just got my sorry self up and went, but i guess theirs nothing i can do about it now....

So anyway, I am in the middle of Day 2 of a porgressing fast.... I feel fine (especially since i am so rested!) and I am going for a really long one this time.... Although, I don't really wanna say how specifically long just in case i don't reach that goal, but I'll keep it posted in here how long I do go..

So, I had a blast that last weekend at the game in Jacksonville, but now theres other things going on... Like the week before, I went out with my guy friend Clint and some of his friends and roomates that i know. Well, we both go rEALLY drunk, and we ended up having sex....TwiCe..

But we did used to date a l-o-n-g time ago, and we had sex once then, but it was like 3 years ago or something when i dated him after a short break-up w/Scott. But it was kinda strange, but not bad, because Clint is like way-hot, he's like 6"4 and he has a good body, so I wasn't complaining or anything.... But it was kinda weird. I guess I could just pass it off and say, "oh, well we were drunk.." But umm....the 2nd time we had sex was the morning after, and i'm pretty sure i was sober then, but maybe not....? Idk...

But the deal is, since then, we have been together a ton! We went to Jacksonville and slept in the same bed the whole weekend, although we did fool around, nothing happened cause we were in a room w/other people... But since all that, we've been like acting

b/f & g/f-ish....and i don't know why?

I think I just really needed a guy at the time or something, and he's just the one that is there...idk... I know that sounds bad, but i do agree w/ B.Spear's song, "Boys, sometimes a girl just needs one." Cause I think sometimes, you just do...

Idk, what the deal is though, and the funny thing is, Clint and I haven't said anything about it, we just do stuff. I went to his house at night like twice in the past week cause he asked me to come over, and we like hung out and kissed and stuff... Then, he wants me to go to a game tonight with him, and then spend the night... wTF? what is going on? Idk...but i mean, it's not like i have a whole bunch of better things to do, or hotter guys to hang out with, so why not?? It's all so weird. But It's that time of the month for me today, so I won't have to worry about the sex stuff... I'm just like stressing out about it.

Also, I was drunk when i had sex with him that time, so i wasn't all body-conscious. But now, oh lord, i could never do it, i would freak out about doing that sober when he could like look at me or i would at least obsess that he was!! Theres no way i can sleep with him again anytime soon until i lose some major poundage! So, yeah, that might be a problem, I'll have to start avoiding those situations....

But it's not like I even like Clint like that all that much. I mean, he has everything going for him, but somehow, he just doesn't do it for me. I know he's intimidated by me, and I just don't like to be in that much of control in my relationships ya know?!?

But he is way hot, has a great body, great potential, very nice, amazingly smart, and is gonna be very successful in his career... So why don't i like him enough? i really can't figure it out...

But for now, I'm just gonna go with the flow and have fun with him doing whatever i guess; i don't really wanna think about it in black and white terms just yet....

So, anyway, I have to go home tomorrow which is equals=diet disaster usually, but my mom and sister are going shopping so I'll just stay at home and do all my stuff i need to, and tell them i ate while they were gone, and then leave before lunch Sunday. Sounds like a great plan! It better work!~ Well, I'm off to my last class of the day.....1/3 yeah thats pretty crappy, but at least I am going to this one! Well, good luck to everyone, and I'll try and update this weekend if i can, but i prob. won't be able to until Sunday when I get back to my Apt.

Heres some inspiring pics for everyones weekend!~