Dear Diary,

What's You Designer Style? Roll out the red carpet. Pour the champagne. Get the Oscar ready, because you're a complete glamour queen. You love to make an impression, and like fellow glamour goddesses Angelina Jolie and Catherine Zeta Jones, you're bound to be a Versace girl. If you're not, you should be. Gianni, and now Donatella, specialise in showstopping gowns, slick sexy suits and all that is indulgent and OTT. Versace isn't just about clothes, it's about lifestyle. So get practicing your J-Lo diva routine, because people are going to expect it!
Who's Your Josie Alter-ego? You're determined, ambitious, talented and feisty. You love your job, you love your friends, but you want people to like you for who you are, not what the record company makes you. This manufactured thing isn't for you. You'd hate to be a trend pimp, being original is so much better!

Hey, another day, another try�

I exercised a lot today, but I ended up eating a good bit as well.. I don�t know why, I just felt like eating today, but not too much.. I ended up w/around 1000 calories give or take.. I swam a whole lot today though, and I packed for a long time.. I lost a pound since yesterday when I checked this morning. That sucks though, I wish I were losing 2 a day. I guess I have been fasting/restricting too much off and on lately and the weight-loss has already slowed down.. I still am gonna try to not eat tomorrow through Sunday though. Try is the key word though. I might have to eat on 2 days when there is a required lunch to go to, but I�m gonna try to eat as little as possible, and just keep on not eating from there. Basically, I am finding out the oh-so-obvious, that you cant set unreasonable goals, and it�s better to do what you can instead of forcing crazy goals each day. I think I�ll be able to stick with it longer if I don�t obsess about every little thing�

I was reading some of my old food/diet journals from last year, and I was amazed cause I restricted and fasted for so much longer periods of time then. I never really wrote in detail, but just tried to stay under a a certain calorie mark each day, and did what I could, and it was pretty successful. Some days it was 200, some 500, some 700, some none at all, but it was successful I think because I didn�t stress about how much I exercised or staying exactly at the same calorie mark every day. I think I have screwed up kinda lately because I set such a rigid goal, and it was like if I didn�t do it exactly right, I failed. Which is not how it should be. I still wanna lose weight fast, but I have just decided to restrict everyday in the future, and just take it day by day, and not restrict or outlaw certain foods just cause their high in cals, but just have the ice cream with friends but don�t eat much else that day, etc and stuff like that. Cause I know it�ll be hard if friends want to go eat or something, but I�ll just have to get a low-fat item on themenu and go light for the rest of the day instead of obsessing about it and either not going and being lonely or going and bingeing to ruin my diet. I know this is all common sense and I should�ve been doing this all along. I just thought I needed a rigid goal to stick to in order to get results, but I actually think varying your cal intake is better than eating the same amount or nothing everyday. Food just scares me, and I�m afraid if I start eating again, that I�ll binge so I fall into hardly eating all the time� But I need to take control and be in charge of what goes in my mouth and understand that eating a little bit of something forbidden is not so terrible as long as I don�t binge. IDk�..maybe I�m wrong about this all, but I just think it�s an easier and better way to be. I think it will fit better into my lifestyle when school starts, cause seriously, lol, what if a cute guy asks me to lunch? I can�t be all weird and make an excuse to get out of it like I have been lately!? I need to be able to go w/o freaking out and scarfing everything down like a cow, or not eating at all� idk, I hope it works.. I�m gonna start doing that next Monday when school starts, but for now, I am still trying to fast as much as possible��

Anyway, I layed out today for 2 hours, and I�m so disappointed cause I didn�t get too much sun at all!! It was so hot too! I got some on my face, but not much anywhere else� boo! I might go swimming for a little while tomorrow, and I�ll probably lay out for a while then too since it�ll probably be my last day to spend time on the lake and hang out with my sister.. She swims laps everyday, and now she is up to 50 laps a day, and it shows cause she looks a lot more toned. I am thinking about trying to start swimming as exercise cause it is such a good over-all body work-out, plus there is no icky sweat involved. Sometimes I like to sweat, but I�m gonna have to start working out in the athletic complex at college, or at my apartments small gym, and I know there�s gonna be guys and cute skinny girls around, so I�ll feel like crap being all gross if I workout as hard as I want too. Idk, though, I need to find someone else to do it with me though.

I am feeling a little anxiety and panic because I know my �ana routines� are gonna be in jeopardy when I move, and it makes me a little apprehensive about everything. I keep stressing about worse-case scenarios like if I cant find a good place to work-out, or if I gain more weight, or if my roommates or friends wanna eat out 24/7 etc. and things like that�.. I know those things might not happen, but I am so used to my own little set routine now, and its gonna be hard trying to change that a little. I know I can do it though, it�s just gonna take a little extra thought and planning to get around some of the obstacles.. I just hope no one bothers me about eating. I hope my roomated wanna eat on their own, cause I am not for eating together or making dinner together etc. I wanna just not eat or eat what I want and not have to deal w/eating together�every man for himself� That way, no one can really question me. It�s funny how when your so obsessed with food and you notice how regular people think about food so much. I never think about the fact that its 12:00 pm and time for lunch, or that I haven�t eaten dinner yet and its getting late, but regular people stress about it. My dad practically stops everything if he�s hungry and it�s time to eat, yet I hardly ever think about the fact that we are �supposed� to eat.. I never think about the words �Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner�. They just don�t apply to me anymore. I eat when I decide its okay whenever that happens to be, and its never anything that would be suitable for a normal person�s bfast/lunch/or dinner. Really though, I can�t remember when the last time I ate a full meal was, as in salad, bread, vegetables and meat etc. I never eat that cuz if I decide to eat, at least its gotta be something I really like or am craving. I don�t know, I am too screwed up. I just thought it was weird how regular people place so much emphasis on breakfast time, and lunch time and all that�

Ok, I think I am starting to ramble�.lol I really need to get to bed cause I have been going to bed SO LATE lately, like 4 am and 5 am kinda late, and I really need to start getting into school mode�. I didn�t take the Tylenol Pm last night, but I�m gonna have to tonight since I went to bed at like 5 am last night/morning�..hehe Anyway, I�m gonna be so busy this next week that I�m gonna need all the rest I can get!! Rush is tomorrow evening, but just for registration so I gotta do that, and it officially starts Wednesday so wish me luck I guess�..its gonna be such a stressful next few days�I can�t believe school starts next week!!! It�s totally crazy!! Where did the summer go?? Oh,well�ttyl

~GOODNIGHT~

PS>>>Here are some thinspirational pictures since I haven�t bothered to take advantage of my gold member stuff much lately~~~~

You'll have to keep scrolling down tho-