Dear Diary,

I was doing absolutely wonderful today, but then I screwed up, because my dad�s side of the family came to visit! Dammit, how am I gonna get out of all this!!!

This is what I did today so far.. w/o the food yet�

*Took Multi-vitamins

*Took Calcium/Potassium Vitamins

*Burned �700 Calories this afternoon

So, my fat dad�s side of my family is coming to visit, so mom is making ALL this food, and it�s so hard for me to resist! My uncle used to be fairly skinny or healthy, but then he got way fat, well w/a beer belly and all that. And he feeds his kids too much too. My boy cousin used to think it was a �good� thing to be able to eat like 3 McDonald�s hamburgers when he was like 7!! WTF!! And I have disordered eating??

He�s calmed down a little and he�s like 12 now, but he still eats like a pig, and now they have a daughter who is too cute, but I hope they don�t feed her like that�how sad, I feel like screaming at them for what they might do to her.. It�s so much harder to be fat when you�re a girl than it is for a guy, and she�s gonna pick up such bad eating habits!! And then his wife is also like SO overweight!! She needs to lose like 60 lbs. to look decent, but I know, I know, I shouldn�t judge, but it�s like I resent their �Fat� presence cause I know they�ll just eat and eat and eat��

(Later on) Ok, I ate like 6 pieces of bacon, two pieces of toasted bread, a tomato, and lettuce (BLT), a ton of Pringles chips, a glass of milk, and like 4 small brownies, and I feel like shit. I wanna b/p but I�m not even good at that, and I can�t possible do it anywhere when all these people are around, plus I really don�t want to. But why the hell did I screw up?? I feel like shit. I can�t possibly lose weight if I keep fucking eating!!! I can�t eat tomorrow, I just can�t!! My mom is making all this food this weekend, and I like to be sociable and eat, but I just can�t afford to. My uncles etc. is so gonna notice if I don�t eat. They�ll say something or wonder. What can I do??? I cannot eat. I screwed up today. I�m atleast thankful that I exercised today. I wonder if I ate under 700 calories so that�ll I�ll at least be even for today. I�m thinking about going outside and walking around a little bit just to burn a few more calories for the night. It�s dark already, but I�m just gonna walk around the house and by the lake for about 30 minutes; walking doesn�t have to be on a road, right? I really need to go back into the living room and socialize, but I don�t feel like it. I�m so pissed at myself. I�m gonna have to add everything up on Fitday.com and see how much damage I did! I�m so stupid!! I have got to do ALL my exercise tomorrow, and get out of eating! I have to lose weight before school starts or I�ll just die!!! Anything counts! Dammit�I was so close, I coulda got out of eating�why, why, why!! I knew I�d feel guilty, I knew I�d feel terrible, so why did I do it?!? Well, maybe I can salvage the few days I have left, and make sure I exercise a lot, and eat nothing!! I have to do this. I have to re-gain control!

�You Only Fail If You Stop Trying.� A quote I got from Gltr-Grl�s diary.

I guess I just gotta get things going tomorrow, and not give up. Food is the enemy, I have to believe that, I have to know that�s true and quit having all these setbacks�.I gotta not eat, I gotta exercise, I gotta lose 10 lbs fast, I gotta quit eating to be social, ----I gotta stop writing these entries about how I�ve screwed up������������..