Dear Diary,

So last night was Absolutely crazy! It was so much fun, yet insanely crazy�. The night started out kinda slow, but it sped up really fast. I ended up wearing the skirt and a really cute shirt that my sister bought me for my birthday. My hair was cute and all, but of course we had to make a few hundred stops before we even got to the Jam. I�m glad I had my BF Amanda with me cuz otherwise I woulda been bored out of my mind! Clint had to go visit some people and hang out and drink at like 3:30 although the real party didn�t start until at least 7:30 pm. So we hung out at all these strange people�s houses and drank our vodka and OJ. Actually, Amanda and I drank like a different mix all night.. We bought cranberry juice, OJ, Gatoraide, and stuff like that and just kinda mixed them all together all night to make all these weird drink combos�. When we finally got to the party we had been rained on and kinda sweaty and submersed in smoke, so it kinda sucked. We tried to fix ourselves up as best we could, but I still wish we had just gone straight to the party. Note to self: Next year, do not hang out at sucky pre-parties beforehand; they always turn out shitty.

Anyway, Amanda and I hung out with some of Clint and his friends from college/highschool.. It was so ironic cuz Clint goes to this rival school of ours back in the day. We have always like hated each other, their girls and ours, but we have always hung out with Clint etc..so they are used to us, but it was still weird hanging out with them and talking about how much we hated each other in Basketball�lol It made me feel old talking about the past years like they were SO long ago� So finally the bands started and we moved to a closer spot right near the stage. I felt so weird cuz I passed this girl I knows parents, with my drink in hand and my drunk friends in toe. I tried not to look at them, but it just feels weird ya know. Later, I talked to the friend of mine who�s parents they were, and she said not to worry cause she was drinking too and they didn�t care.. I know I shouldn�t worry about it, but ya know it feels weird to be drinking in front of them. So, by then, Amanda and I and everyone else was getting pretty drunk or at least on our way there. I bonded with my new roommate and tried to talk to all the people I haven�t seen in forever. I was drunk, but I don�t think I was ever really, really drunk. It was weird because I should had a low tolerance, but I remember drinking lots of vodka, and then later drinking people�s beer too. I have no idea how much I had, but I was still able to take pictures and walk around etc, so I wasn�t too gone. The craziest thing of the night which I still feel weird about is my conversation with this guy in my class.

I have to say something about this in here, but I don�t know what I was thinking! This guy, Nathan is like the smartest and coolest guy in my class. He�s pretty cute, but he really has a whole package. He�s really smart, but cool, not dorky and he is definitely going to do well ya know� I used to have a crush on him a long time ago, but then I dated his best friend and he went out with other people so ya know we never really got together or talked too much. We�d talk every now and then at parties and have amazing convos, but we never really got too friendly at school although we respected each other. We are just a lot alike, but we never really had a chance to be much ya know. Anyway, we had one of those talks and then it turned into me seducing him for most of the night. It was weird, crazy and fun. I have no idea what in the hell I was doing. We just started talking about life, and what we wanted to do, and how we were going to get there. It was weird. We ended up going away from the crowd and talking like 2 or 3 times, and I think we kissed a little, but no making out. He has a girlfriend whom I like but she�s really not right for him. She�s really a rich snob, but she�s always been pretty nice to me, but she�s so whinny and I imagine he gets tired of that.. He goes to like the top best school in the state, and he has a 4.0, and his g/friend is a yr younger than him, and is going next year. I didn�t wanna mess with their relationship, and I wasn�t trying to like get with him or anything� I don�t know what I was trying to do. I just knew we were alike, and I wanted to talk with him, and show him that�IDK, it was crazy. He and I were on the same wavelength though throughout all the conversations, and now when I think about it�.. I wonder how in the hell he understood anything I was talking about, cause I can�t even make sense of it now.. So, we shared eye candy all night when people were around, and it was weird. I wonder what he thinks about it all. It was weird though seriously. I just wanna forget about it, and I hope that he forgets or either remembers something good about everything. I am so weirded out by it all cause I can�t believe I did and said all that shit to him. I hope he doesn�t remember or doesn�t tell anyone or make a comment. I hope I don�t see him around anytime soon cause I�ll feel really weird. I probably won�t though cause I only have 2 weeks before school starts back, and I�m sure we�ll both be busy. I just can�t stop obsessing about how stupid or weird he might think it all was now. I don�t really regret it, and I knew it was strange when it was going on but I just couldn�t stop. I just wanna forget about it all so that I can just not worry about it.

Anyway, after that I walked around more and hung out with Jade and some other people. I saw this guy I had a one nite stand with a while back, but I had known him forever, and it happened before I went to school. He kinda tried to get with me again, but I wasn�t feeling like going back down that road again. Then the party was winding down and people were leaving, or passing out. I took Clint to the tent cause he was too drunk. Then Jade and this other guy passed out in the tent, but I wasn�t tired so I walked around some more. I found Jade and we dealt with some relationship stuff. She�s still in love with her Ex-boyfriend, but this totally hot nice guy totally digs her and she�s an idiot cause her Ex is a lame , ugly loser. Well, he�s not that bad, but he�s not very cute, and he acts kinda gay, and she just really needs to get away from him! So, then I talked to some other people, and wondered around seeing who was up. I tried to wake Jade up a few hundred times, but she was totally passed out. So then at about 4 am, I decided to hit the hay although I coulda kept going longer. We woke up at 8 am, and got ready to leave. The sun was like burning hot, and it was making us all feel shittier. I didn�t really have much of a hangover, although the hot sun was kinda unpleasant. We went to the car, and got ready to leave, and Amanda hugged her tent buddy goodbye, and we left. She later told me that she told him that she�d love to make-out with him, but she�s afraid she just might pass out, and he said �me too� and then they both passed out so not much happened..lol

Clint dropped us off at my house, and then Amanda went and threw-up in my toilet to feel better. She used to be kinda bulimic, so she always throws up when she�s drunk to feel better. I�m pretty sure she doesn�t still do it, but who knows? I changed clothes, and got some H2O and drove Amanda home, although I felt like I was still drunk while I was driving her; strange. Then I ran by Subway to get some sustenance cause I felt crappy. Thank goodness my mom and my sister where at church so they couldn�t harass me w/questions when I got home. It�s such a relief to come home drunk or hungover, and just do whatever you want and not have to answer to anyone. Thank goodness I�ll be moving out soon ,and I�ll be able to do that all the time again. I ate, and then passed out until late afternoon, then I woke up and tried to be cheerfully social so my mom wouldn�t think I was drunk and hungover.

So, I know my fast was supposed to start today, but I had to eat today to feel better, but I�m starting tomorrow and I can still do 14 days, so it�s no loss. I�m still excited about it though. I know it�ll be hard at first, but I think I�ll be OK after a few days and I will begin to not want food. I�m excited about getting my plan underway though. I always feel better when I am actually doing something about my diet ya know, rather than eating normally or something. Oh, well , this entry is long, and I gotta see if there are any last requests for food in the kitchen cuz I only have 2 more hours of eating time left.. Ciao~