Dear Diary,

OK, so I just got back from going out with Clint tonight....Well, we actually went and ate, opened our presents, rented a movie, and set me up w/a Blockbuster account, and then came back to my house to watch it. My parents and my sister went to some bible study far away cuz my sister begged them to go, so their still not home. Dinner was good, but not really worth all the thought and obsessiveness I put into it. Clint gave me DREAM by Victoria Secret, and a tank top and pj's from Vics as well. It was a pretty nice and decent gift, but I'd a rather have some lingerie from there, but i know he'd never get me that... Anyway, I know Clint and I are not romantically involed or anything, and now hes got this other girl thing, but I couldn't help being sexually attracted to him tonight. I mean, seriously, he's pretty damn hot, but such a drag of a personality. He's not a normal guy I swear! He has no game, doesn't know how to initiate ANYTHING, and he makes even the most sexiest moments awkward.... But why in hell does he have to be blonde, 6'4, and built as fuck?!?!? I will never know. He is like the ONLY guy on this planet that CAN be just friends with a girl. He's also way under-experienced in the sexual area, which irritates the shit out of me! Theres nothing I hate more than having to teach some guy how it needs to be done. I mean--you GOTTA know how to finger a girl, or at least do something of that nature!! He is so clueless, and thats why I never cross that line cause I know it won't be worth it for me.... It's gonna be his downfall if he doesn't learn..

I'd luv to be his "fuckbuddy" ya know, since I'm not getting any, but he's just not capable of being like that with anyone, which I think is so weird.. But tommorrow, I am going to be drunk off my ass, and it would be fun to have a make-out buddy ya know? Maybe thats slutty, but we have already established that whatever happens when we are drunk doesn't count.... I don't know if i wanna do that though, cuz it could make things weird? idk...

Anyway, tommorrow is gonna be SO exciting!!!! My best friend in the whole world is gonna be by my side as my partner in crime (haha, literally,but thats another story) We are gonna have SO much fun and So much to talk about!!!! I can't wait to get blitzed with her... She is coming w/me tommorrow for the pre-party at the lake, and then we are going on to the Jam and getting drunk and partying down!! I can't wait. I think I am just gonna sleep late, get up, get ready and go, so that I don't have to wait around all day being excited.

----THE Only Problem IS: what the fuck to wear?!?! I have this one cool skirt, but it is kinda tight on me, and I'm afraid I'll look stupid in it. I need to wear a long shirt because of how high it comes up to my waste, but what cute, hot shirt is long?!?! Not many.. I don't know what to do--I am gonna be trying on clothes like all morning!! I just hope I can look OK, cause I am going to be seeing all these people from high school etc. and my worst nightmare is for any of them to think or say, 'that she has gained some poundage' etc. and all that. I'll just DIE if anyone says that or thinks it! So, I gotta look just right. And be comfortable to have fun and not be too self-conscious, of course, the alcohol will help with that as well...hehe

I am gonna get so drunk; I'll go ahead and tell ya. I haven't been drunk in so long, and I miss it so... Plus, I luv being drunk with my crazy girls cause we have so much FUN--it's unbelieveable. Everything we do, is so great and hilariously funny. I can't wait.

But I also can't wait until Sunday... The start of my 2 week fast, and the start of a skinnier me!! Yah! I am excited about starting and sticking to that as well... I have been going through the Thin Page archives looking for fasting info. or just anything helpful to motivate me. It seems that I can at least lose 20 lbs. by fasting for that long, and it's highly possible for me to lose more, but it just depends on a lot of things.. I have some weight to lose though, so I think it'll come off fast at first, and I'm exercising, so hopefully I'll have good results....

I need to go to sleep in a little while so I can get closer to tommorrow...

I'm so excited though! I am usually such a part animal, but I haven't done jack shit this summer. get ready for this cause your gonna be shocked, but: I haven't been out partying or drinking AT ALL since the beginning of summer!!! (ah!) (SHOCK) (GASP!) I know, i know!!!! I can hardly believe it myself, but none of my friends have been home for the summer, and they are working, and I am too busy with my diet. And ya know how secluded and unsocial you get when you get hard core into ur ED. I just didn't try to get involved with my friends that where here cause I knew that would bring up having to eat and stuff.... But It has been a long summer, and I am so looking forward to partying... I'll celebrate to a new-coming thinner me!! Well, my rents are gonna be home soon, so I gotta clean up, and then I am going to sleep. I think i am still only going to eat 2 pieces of bread tommorrow before we go... No need to go overboard, and I've alread eaten so much stuff lately; I don't need a binge day before the fast.... g/night, and I'll tell ya all about tommorrow, but it might not be until Sunday cause I'm not coming home tommorrow night. I have no idea where I am going to end up yet, but I'm sure I'll have to tell all about it late Sunday... Peace out!~ hERE ARE SOME PIC OF WHAT i'LL BE DOING TOMMORROW: what i'll be'a' guzzlin'