Dear Diary,

Ok, I know I promised a good entry today, and once again, I got all busy, so this is kinda late, but oh, well�� So, basically to sum up my diet lately, well uh�I don�t really wanna go into detail about it, but basically I have been eating a lot or kinda more regularly I guess� It all started because I knew that if I fasted and then ate a lot, that I�d probably just gain back all my fasting weight, so it would be better to just restrict or eat whatever�. So, I ate, sometimes too much� But I am preparing for a 14-Day Fast starting OFFicially this Sunday. I know no one believes me or thinks I�ll last, but I know I will cause I have been planning this 2-week fast for a long time now; I just wanted to wait before I said anything about it ya know�. I don�t have any more situations where I will have to eat in the next 2 weeks, and I also will be moving in and getting ready to go back to school in 2 weeks� I planned this fast for those 2 weeks, do or die. I am not eating a thing until 14 days are up�. No matter what. I�m going for the kill� No matter what happens, or how I feel, or what�s going on, ---Hell will freeze over before I eat anything. If I feel like absolute shit one day when I wake up, then I will just not get out of bed�.take a sick day�. At all costs, I will not eat. I�m serious. I know probably no one believes me and all cause a lot of people say a bunch of B.S. like this, but I am really doing this. I have been thinking about it and planning it for a while now, and it�s like a ultimate goal thing. I�m gonna drink a ton of water, take vitamins, and exercise every day, or every other day if I feel too bad, just to keep me toned and not flabby. Plus, I think this long fast will totally jump start me into the ana thing again� I was doing ok, but after not eating for so long and surviving, you�d find out that you don�t need or want food that bad�. Haha�.how ironic, �Ana�s song� by Silverchair just came on in my CD player from a mixed CD I made a while ago..cool! Anyway, Sunday is start day, and I am not eating no matter what� I�m even gonna make like a calendar count-down thing too.. I told my mom I was quitting the old diet and going back to the �slim-fast� diet I �said� I was doing a while back�. She doesn�t care. Basically, all that diet does for me is get me out of having to eat anything with my family or anyone for that matter�

I know it�s early to be thinking about this, but I wonder how much weight I will lose?? I always calculate and re-calculate weight when I�m fasting, but it is just so perplexing and interesting to find out how much you might be able to lose!! Well, the MOST I could lose if it was just the ultimate most amazing fast ever would be : 28 lbs� but I seriously doubt that�ll happen cause the loss will probably slow down after the 1st week or so� But I�m hoping for at least 20 lbs. ya know, but I�ll take whatever I get. It�s not just a weight-loss thing though, it�s a self-control issue for me as well� I�m really excited to start, but I know I have to eat these next 2 days and that I can�t start yet.

Tommorrow, my friend Clint and I are supposed to go out and eat and celebrate our birthdays. I wish we didn�t have to eat , but I couldn�t come up with a good excuse, and there�s not much else to do to celebrate�. Then Saturday, I am going to the huge July Jam party, and I am gonna get drunk as shit!! I�m excited about that as well, cause I haven�t drank in ages! My best friend Amanda is coming with me, and we are both splitting a bottle of Smirnoff for the night. Vodka is so much more low-cal than ANY beer! Plus, I�m a liquor gal anyway� So, maybe it won�t be too bad! I can�t believe beer has 100 calories in each can! How can they be allowed to make it that high in calories; it�s just unfair for everyone!! But I am excited to get glamed up, and party with all my friends cause I haven�t seen all of them in a while. Plus, I am taking tons of pictures� I am trying to decide if I wanna wear those contacts or not. I wore them for a long time tonight, and I just don�t know. My vision is kinda fuzzy in them sometimes, but I think it�s just my eye watering a little� I�m afraid what might happen when I am drinking though ya know??? Your eyes get more watery, and my vision will already be skewed�.. I�m afraid I�ll lose one, or get it stuck in my eye, or worse�pass out in them!?? Ick! I know it sounds like a lot of trouble, but you know it�s a small price to pay for fashion? They look so damn cool, and I am taking a ton of pictures, and so will other people, and I�ll just look so hot in them?!? I dk what would be best to do??

I guess It�ll be ok, as long as I remember to take them out, and be very careful taking them out so they don�t get lost in my eye, hehe, but it�s hard to be stable and steady when ur drunk as crap�..oh, well I guess I�ll give it a go anyway�

I�m so excited about starting my fast though. I�m gonna be SO tired I know, but I have to do it. I did wanna get a tan before school, but I don�t know if I�ll be able to do that when it gets late into fasting; I probably WILL actually pass out this time� But I found this info on fasting a while back, and it says that your �desire� for food goes away after Day 5, and that after Day 10, you get an energy buzz for some reason, and you�ll feel better and not quite so dizzy or light-headed anymore.. I am just really excited about starting and getting it all underway. I know it might be hard to exercise during it, but I am just gonna walk on the t-mill, for like 30 minutes each day just to stay toned�nothing too strenuous�.. Sunday�s the day though.

Anyway, my mom lost a total of 14 lbs, on the diet we were doing, and she didn�t even do it all right. She was ragging on me about quitting the diet, and she was trying to make it a competition about losing weight�. Haha�little does she know�.. Anyway, I wasn�t interested in playing her stupid games, cause she is like 5�5 or less, and I can�t even compare to her size and weight cause it�s so far from me�. If she was my height though; it�d probably be a different story. My mom only has 10 lbs. more to go before she reaches her goal. Humph�..wish I only had that much to go to mine!!! I have such a long way to go, but I figure I�ll still restrict when school starts and maybe the weight will come off eventually. I�ll have to restrict low for a while anyway coming off the fast� I hope I lose 28 lbs. though�haha�that would be fucking amazing!!! I wish I had started this fast earlier though cause I am kinda worried about my hair and my skin color ya know. School will be about to start, and I am gonna have to be doing some major covering up to look decent after that long fast. But 2 weeks isn�t so long, and I don�t think I coulda done a 3-week fast anyway; it just seems too long�

SO----Scott called today and I answered cause my cell actually rang for once. He acted like it was kinda funny that he forgot my b/day, or not that he forgot, but just didn�t call or anything. I didn�t think it was funny. I was pissed. He said he knew when it was, but he lost track of days and he doesn�t have a calendar. Bullshit�what a lame excuse�. It just made things worse for us�or for me anyway. It made remember how sorry of a person he was and why I let him go anyway!! I can�t believe I was even feeling nostalgic about us being together�Fuck That! Screw that bastard; I�m just gonna go visit my friends at his (my old) college in September and show him what he�s missing! It�s not hard, cause I was definitely one of the best-looking girls he�d ever have a chance with. But still�I gotta get me some bitter-sweet revenge when his jaw drops at my weight-loss and overall hotness�lol ;) But that�s a whole other story; I could go into those plans and talk about them forever, but I won�t bore you�.

I just can�t wait to get closer to my goal! But I will starting Sunday, and every day will be another step closer in the right direction..

OK, well, that�s about it for tonight, I can�t remember what I was so jazzed up about to write about the other day�.I�m sure it was something important, but maybe I�ll think of it sometime� Anyway, tomorrow, I think I might just eat like a PBJ sandwich and then whatever we eat when we go out to eat tomorrow, and that�ll be it. Then Saturday, I am just gonna like eat some bread a couple of hours before we drink so I don�t get too sick, and then it�s super fasting time�.

~Until tomorrow------------