Dear Diary,

OK, well today is Day 2 of my fast and I am StiLL going strong!!! I did a lot today, so I�m glad I�m still doing/feeling well.. I drank a ton of water this morning, and then my sister and I went swimming or well�basically I layed out the whole time.. I layed in the sun for like 2 hours and then swam around a little bit. I kept thinking �I hope I don�t pass out in the sun!� But I didn�t though I did feel a bit drained when we came back inside. Then we had to wash ALL of the cars at my house cause my dad asked us to that morning, so I drank another huge cup of water, and went and did that. We washed a total of 5 cars, so I think I probably burned quite a few calories just doing that� The only thing I gotta worry about right now is dinner. On the diet, we are supposed to have hamburger meat, and half a banana. So, my mom is making hamburgers for everyone else, but I gotta find a way for her to let me eat it in my room, so I can just throw it away or save it to give to the dog. I haven�t figured out just how yet, but I�m sure I�ll think of a way�..

Tommorrow my sister�s friend is coming over to swim, but not until like 5:00 pm, so my mom is making Lasagna�But I�ll get out of it cause I told my mom I didn�t wanna eat the �diet food� in front of my sister�s friend cause she would find it odd, so I get to eat �by myself� once again�.SO tomorrow is taken care of, and I think I�ll go somewhere Wednesday night to get out of eating maybe�

Lol�Sorry I talk so much about all my days in here, but I seriously don�t wanna break my fast At All, so I have to think of ways to get out of eating, and it�s like all I think about ya know�

Anyway, on to something else---- I emailed the random girl who is going to my roommate next year� I just sent her an email to be nice and to make sure she got back to Maryland ok etc� She already wrote me back, and it was nice, so maybe things will turn out Ok�. Also, I finally sent the pissed off email about missing my b/day to Scott. I figured he wouldn�t check his email ever, but then someone called today from his same area code, so I don�t know if maybe it was him. I guess he�ll just leave another lame message on my phone whenever he reads his email� I really don�t wanna talk to him; it�s weird cause we were So Close, and I can just tell that we are growing so far apart, and that pretty soon, we�ll forget all about each other.. It�s sad really, but I think it needs to happen, cause I never ever thought he�d be the guy I�d ever marry�.Like, In the future, I never saw our relationship being this long, big thing, and I think I always knew he wasn�t �right� for me, but he was the only decent guy I liked then, so it was OK.. Lol, I think that was why I �cheated� on him so much, SOME times they weren�t really cheating cause we were broken up, but we always got back together and he thinks I �cheated� on him those times, but technically I didn�t. He shoulda broke up with me the first time that happened though, cause I know from first-hand experience; If someone cheats on you and you let them get away w/it, and take them back, I GUARANTEE they will do it again�� Cause I think that�s why I did other stuff later on, I knew he wouldn�t find out or wouldn�t really break up w/me, or maybe I was subconsciously trying to get out of the relationship cause I knew it wasn�t right, idk�. I just know that the �cheater� will definitely do it again if they get away w/it, so that�s why I�m breaking up w/the 1st guy to cheat on me �no doubt. It doesn�t even matter how much you care, cause they�ll always do it again, and your relationship will fall apart so fast and it�ll suck anyway.. So it�s better to just let go, and find greener pastures..

Anyway, enough of my �Relationship advice�� my stomach is growling So loud-good thing I have the music turned up loud in my room ;) - Last time I fasted, I took metabolife throughout the day so I wouldn�t be hungry, and I kinda liked the jittery energy-buzz it gave me�. Hunger pains don�t ever bother me much or anything, so I just decided to go w/o this time, and so far it�s been about the same minus the jitters� I just remember some girl on the thin page saying that her hunger pains were so bad that she almost broke out in tears; I have no clue what she�s talking about, maybe it�s just me.? The only thing that really bothers me about Fasting is, Not being able to fall asleep, and leg cramps! I hate those! I hate never being able to sleep, cause sleep is like the only time when your not worried about food or feeling like shit etc�.and those leg cramps hurt like hell!!! Hopefully, my potassium/calcium supplements will help with that. And I got my ole� trusty Tylenol PM for sleep, but I really need to stop taking it cuz� I take it all the time; what the fuck am I gonna do when I have a real headache??? I�m sure I�m immune to regular Tylenol now�..

**Oh shit!** I forgot, I was gonna like weigh tonight; hmmmm�..hold on�.

--well, damn, I just drank a bunch of water, h/o let me go to the bathroom��. Ok, I couldn�t go much, and DAMN, it�s like only 1 lb. Less so far! Crap! Well, maybe some of it�s water weight, and some of it just hasn�t come off yet, idk. Well, I�m not gonna let it stop me, I�ll just have to wait and see�..

Well, I wanna say what my Ultimate Goal is in here�. I�m sure a bunch of other people have this similar goal too� Well, first off, I wanna weigh 110-115 eventually, but my MAIN goal is to have that amazing SpAcE between your thighs where your legs do not touch!!! I know, maybe some people are think that that�s� weird or something, but no when you think about it, it�s not. When your upper thighs do not touch, you are definitely �THIN.� By any means�. Most models have that, and it�s just the epitome of really being �thin�, maybe not anorexic thin, but definitely thin by regular people�s definition�. Plus, I knew this girl in college last year that had that, and she was really thin, but not anorexic/or bulimic at all!! I was surprised, and I was so envious. For real, how can you �think� your fat when your thighs don�t touch ,and then when light shines behind you, the light shines through!! I wish I knew what that felt like, but I�ve never been that thin, so when I get there, I will ultimately be pretty happy!! I just can�t wait for that�It�s gonna be so cool!!!! SO that�s my Ultimate Goal, and I�m thinking that if I keep restricting and stuff even when college starts that I might get near or around there definitely by October or Mid-November, but maybe sooner. I just know I�ll be guzzeling down the alcohol when school starts so that�s why I am giving myself so much time�. Although, purging the alcohol sounds like a great idea, cause no one wants a hangover or the mega-caloriefest!! I might try that a couple of times, but I wonder how long it stays inside you? Who�s gonna purge an hour after drinking?? That would be stupid; you�d probably lose your buzz?? Idk, I guess I�ll have to experiment and find out.. Ok, well I�m out, cause I�m gonna go watch Seinfeld, and try to come up w/an excuse for dinner~ Check out my cool picture��Caution: This picture may cause you to want to meet that goal as well�.lol