Dear Diary,

---Ok, so today (Thursday) went well, or it WaS going well until I stepped on the scale just for fun�.. Well�It was everything BUT fun! I have been doing SO well; I just don�t understand��Yesterday, I practically exercised off all the calories I ate that day, and today I did the same, so how can I have gained 2 lbs?!?!??? In the back of my head, I am hoping that it�s just A) water weight, or B) muscle��or both? I just drank a bunch of water at dinner, but then I went to the bathroom before I weighed, and I have been running A WHOLE LOT more than I was in the beginning, so I know I had to have gained some muscle� But it still doesn�t stop be from being absolutely horrified!! It makes my big efforts look like crap; I guess I have to go restrict even lower, and exercise even more or something��

Oh, and get this: In my apartment that I am supposed to move into on Aug. 16th, we have 3 roomates, but we are supposed to have a 4 bedroom though cause they didn�t have another 3 bedroom, and we agreed to pay the extra to close off that room�. I know the other 2 girls I am living with as well. One is a girl I�ve been good friends with since I was like 4 yrs old named Jade, so we know each other well, although she is now probably going to be a huge slut when she gets to the bigger college. She has this crazy obsessed thing with guys, and having sex with them�.lol But I don�t really like calling her a slut cause she�s my friend, but I just have a feeling she will be more deserving of that title come September�. Anyway, the other girl I am living with was in a class below me in highschool, and I played basketball w/her for a few years before she quit. She�s okay, really smart, kinda quiet, tries to act like she�s a rich drama queen, but she just ends up blending in w/everyone�.Anyway, those are the 2 girls I am living with, and I thought everything would be okay cause I plan on making a whole crop of new friends, and just doing my own thing ya know�I�ve done it before; I�m just being �new� all over again. Well, my close friend Jade is going to a small community college (cause she fucked up last year) in the big town of my big college�lol but all she can think about is Guys, guys, guys, and beer, beer, beer, which is okay I guess, but she already thinks her school is gonna be a piece of cake and she�s not gonna have to do crap. The college I am going to has 35,000 people in it, and it�s hard as shit most of the time. Grades always came easy to me, but I know I am gonna have to actually crack a book this time if I want to do good at this school ya know�. And I�m afraid she�s gonna bring me down ya know, cause I love a good party as much or more than the next gal.. Plus, now Jade hangs out with the class below me, (which I hate) and she�s all friends with them now, so I am hoping to just do my own thing, and make my own friends so she can�t bring me to her level.

But then I got this call today from our apartments, and I think we have to go pick a 4th roommate at some little mixer thing they are having this Saturday. A forth roommate?!? Now that could be good, but it definitely has a high percentile for disaster. We have to go like stand awkwardly around a pool, and pick some random girl/guy to live with us for a whole year, and we know absolutely ZERO about them! Idk, about it all, but I guess we have to do it, and I am just hoping maybe we�ll get lucky and get some awesome girl, or even better, --a hot guy..lol Maybe not though�Jade�ll have too much fun with that, and I personally don�t wanna hear the headboard a�banging through the wall every night�

So anyway, this is a big social situation were I�ll have to meet other people who could be our neighbors, or other people that I know etc, and I AM STILL A FAT COW!! Well, you know what I mean, and I have nothing good to wear!! I don�t even have any cute things at all to even try to wear, and I refuse to go buy something! It makes me even more upset! Plus, I haven�t lost any weight, so what am I gonna do?!?! It�s gonna suck in every possible way!!

IDK what to do, but all I know, is that I gotta go hardcore on this diet now---I thought I was doing good, but obviously not�I don�t wanna fast because �fasting=�s Big binges.� I think I am gonna have to actually restrict to a certain number of calories a day, and then make sure and burn them all off every day. That�s almost what I am doing right now ya know, but maybe I have to be more extreme� That has to work right? If anyone has any comments about it: leave me a note willya? It has to work though�how can it not? I might get more irritable and tired, but screw that, I don�t care�� I�ve already got this crazy obsessed lose-weight complex, so I don�t think exercising when I�m tired is really gonna be too much of a deterrent from my plan��

Well that�s really all I gotta say; I have more, but I hate for my entries to get SO long, I HAVE to tell you about Scott though, and about my birthday and all that, but it�ll have to be some other time! I gotta take some Tylenol Pm tonight so I can zonk out, and get up earlier to exercise tommorrow~!