Dear Diary,
OK, so....we went to my grandmas today, and i fucked up and ate some peach ice cream, BUT i did everything else good. I ate right the rest fo the time and even got up today to do my hour of exercise. So ok, right? WRONG. I am thinking about binging right now or in a few minutes. A small binge though...I know I shouldn't but I feel like the ice cream fucked me up, and that maybe if I binge now, I will be able to do this next week harder because of it ya know? I was going to do this whole week straight and see what my weight-loss is, and if that last binge either helped or hurt my diet??? If maybe it helped, then I am gonna do a one-day binge the next week which is also the week of my birthday. Ce-le-brate! yeah! One day to eat liek crazy to up my metabolism. So, i guess binging today won't help. but damn that ice cream. I feel like I've screwed up already and i'm craving some od foods around the house like chips, cereal, cookies and milk, etc.... BUT, my dad is still awake, and I CANNOT eat until he goes to bed which could be for-ever!!! And then I'll feel even worse eating so late at night w/so much food!! But, I might feel worse, and my cravings might grow if I don't eat those foods now that I've thought about eating them seriously..... I really wanna REV up my diet, exercise longer and harder and be strict as hell with my diet for the next week ya know. So, should I start it w/this binge, or just try to keep on going?? IDK, IDK. Do you think that homemade peach ice cream screwed me up a whole lot already. See thats what started the binge...I looked up soft-serve ice cream on FITDAY.Com and it was like 600 calories, and I was like DAMN!!! Add that to my other food today and I'm almost at binge-level, so why not?!?! but then again, fitday, might not be right. It was Homemade Peach Ice Cream made with only 2 cups of sugar, some milk, and some eggs....so I don't know.... I only ate about 1 cup 1/2 that whoever served me. I shouldn't have ate that shit. It wasn't even all that great. I just got peer pressured into eating it around everyone... :P
To Binge, or Not To Binge, that is the question..... hmmm...depends on when my dad goes to bed. let me make a deal, if he goes to bed before 1:30, I'll binge. If not, I'm just going straight to bed. That gives him about an hour to get sleepy, or not. I don't wanna binge, but I also don't wanna be craving food all week. Then again, don't you always feel like shit after you eat??? And I can't throw up ever, so I have to keep the shit down. I haven't tried the laxative route either so, i am left to consume plentiful calories....if i so choose to binge. what to do, what to do.....i don't WANT to binge, but It might be worse if I don't...ahhhh...... (my head is playing ping-pong right now) back & forth, back & forth....
What if i go to bed, and he goes right after me; I'll be so mad!! I guess I'll just go by the 1:30 rule. No--wait... I ReAllY wanna see if I still lose about 7 lbs. w/o a binge this week. I wanna see if it made a difference. I really need to know. And then I can just binge the next week if it looks like it did and have a huge binge day! hehe...I've already pre-planned that day out, I've gotta hit a few fast-food places, well just one, but it's my total craving, and it's chicken so it's not too bad, but I always crave it when I get really hungry.... Anyway, I think I am gonna get ready for bed really fast, and take some of those damn Tylenol Pm and just pass the Fuck out, so I can't even think about food, and then tommorrow, I am gonna bust my ass to make up for that stupid ice cream!!!!!!
yah to me, no binge!!!
P.S.
Shit--ok, then what do I do with those chips I stuck in my purse to conceal them so i could eat them in my room? hmmmmm....... maybe I'll pet the dog before I go to bed, and give her a late night snack...
goodnight, I promise, I'm just gonna go to bed now! ;)
