Dear Diary,

Ok, so I just wanna write this quick entry just about my phone call with Scott last night. I called this time and he was ACTUALLY there. I woke him up, but I guess he didn�t care too much. We talked kinda slowly at first cause we didn�t know what to say and all. He told me he WAS drunk in that last phone message when he said it was important�.I kinda figured he was by his voice and how he said I needed to tell him if I was out with some other guy. Anyway, we talked about school and work, and family etc. He said his jobs were going fine and that he was doing good in school still. BUT�he told me they go out and drink all the time, and he think he might be an alcoholic. And ya know, normally, you�d just dismiss that as someone just trying to tell you they just drink a lot, but there was kind of a serious tone in his voice, and I knew he wasn�t really kidding. And it was kinda shocking cause he�s so not the type to let anything get him down like that! He�s one of the most self-reliant determined people I know, and I just can�t imagine that he�s letting something as stupid as drinking get out of hand!! He usually is able to deal with everything in moderation. I told him that I seriously did not want him to become an alcoholic! And it kinda hurts me that I can�t be there to kick his ass when he crosses the line ya know. We talked about other things as well. I told him I was changing my major though it is still an Art major, and he said he was still undecided. Then he kinda sarcastically said he might just wanna open up a bar somewhere. That is NOT a good idea..that�s like a low-rent idea if he wants to open one where he�s at now..no money in that! Plus that would only fuel the alcohol thing! He can do something SO much better, I know! Anyway, he told me something about he went on 2 dates recently. And I didn�t ask for too much information, and I wasn�t jealous or anything. I think I said like , �Oh, that�s good, did you have fun?� and that was about it. He told me later in the conversation that he was shocked that I didn�t say more about the dates, or bitch at him or ask him more questions about it. Haha�I was like �what did you want me to say? It�s your decision, or whatever, and I knew that was gonna be a possibility.� He said he just thought I would say more about it. I found that kinda odd? Did he expect me to get mad or something? Do you think it hurt his feelings that I didn�t care that much? Oh, well, I didn�t, and later on he told me that the girls were both way older than him, like 21 and 24, which is a little old for a 19-yr old guy ya know. I bet there aren�t ANY decent girls hanging around during the summer at that college! Theres nothing to do there when everyone�s gone. Anyway, the conversation went well, I told him I haven�t been on any dates, but there was some guy at �work� that had a crush on me, but I didn�t like him.

Also, he said I was lucky to get him tonight cause he wanted to go out and drink tonight, but he was about to start a exercise program to get bigger/gain weight, and he couldn�t drink too much on it and all. Great! He�s not drinking AS much, but still�I don�t know if that will help this alcoholic thing, I really hope so. But towards the end of the conversation when we were talking about the separate paths of our lives, we kinda ran out of things to say or how to say them. And for the first time, I felt an uncomfortableness that you only feel when you are talking to a stranger when you don�t know what to say. I was immediately sad cause I had NEVER been uncomfortable with Scott. I never thought twice about saying or doing anything in front of him, yet I felt uncomfortable at that moment like he was a stranger. It was like I literally FELT us drift apart right At That Moment. It sucked; I never thought I would feel like I didn�t know him or anything. The tears started falling after I got off the phone and thought about it more. Having to say goodbye to someone you know you won�t talk to much, but who used to be as close or closer than family to you is just hard. Realization set in, and I was just sad by the whole thing. I�ve been so worried about playing games with him, or trying to do all the stuff I always have, yet I realized that I don�t even know him anymore, or that our closeness was fading away, and it wouldn�t matter what he thought good or bad. I just feel sad that we really are growing apart. I don�t know what I thought; I guess I thought that we were so close that we�d always be able to talk and stay the same no matter what, but I guess that�s just not true. I�m still gonna go visit him like I said though, and I think I am gonna write him an email about to please not become an alcoholic and accept things that aren�t good enough for him. He�s hanging out with a bunch of losers, and I didn�t think he would let them bring him down, but I guess he has a little. I guess one email can�t hurt. He needs to know he can do better, if he hasn�t realized it. That�s all I wanted to say about that call, but I just remember feeling that MOMENT. It was really odd. I know people grow apart, but I just never thought we would very much. I guess I�m finding a lot of things out now����.