Dear Diary,

Ok, so I was gonna fast today, but I ended up eating some cereal cause i thought I would definitely have to eat tommorrow, which i will a little.. I have to go to my Transfer Orientation tommorrow ALL day, and I am depressed about it a little... Mainly, because I have nothing to wear, and I look and feel like a fat cow, and I just don't want to see the people I am going to college with while I look and feel the way I do. I guess I have to though. I'm kinda excited to find out all my classes and stuff though.... I gotta pick out somehting to wear before I go to bed, and I am ABSOLUTELY dreading it! I hate this! I don't have much time to write cause i need to go to bed early today cause i gotta get up at 5:30 am tommorrow. ick..so early

BUT--We are supposed to eat lunch at the orientation, and my dad is going so its gonna suck, and I'm probably gonna have to eat, and then hes gonna wanna eat dinner somewhere! why me?!? I would try to just eat not much at lunch, but then I have dinner to deal with too, and all the while I am WASTING so much time!! I need to start my big-diet NOW!! But all this crap is in the way!!

Oh, and by the way--my mom got that Syberian diet, and it doens't contain much calories and sounds kinda like a crazy ana diet anyway. Hehe...she was telling me about it acting like it was no food etc., and I just kept thinking that , "wow, thats more food than i ever eat!" It sounda like a diet that some of the girlz on the thinforum would have come up for themselves except their are certain food balances on this diet. There are scientific, and metabolic reasons why you eat a certain food on each day etc. The doctor told my mom and her co-worker not to show the diet to anyone or give it to anyone though. And I think he said that cause he knows it is pretty unhealthy, and he doesn't want people passing it around town saying he recommended it cause it would ruin him! I think I could do it though. I wonder if it really works..... Its supposed to help you lose 40 lbs. in 6 weeks. BUT--I only have 5 weeks before school starts though I wanna lose more than 40lbs... I guess on that diet, I could lose atleast 30 or so which is better than nothing. SO The thing to acess is: will i lose more on my own ana-based diet? or on that medical diet? and which will be easier to follow and more successful???

Well, one benefit is that my mom will know I am on that diet and will help me with buying and making the foods, and she will also not give me crap for not eating much during the day cause I'll say that I am just doing the diet ya know. ALSO, if i tell my parents I am on that diet, then i can't very likely have a binge by eating cookies and chocolate cause someone will ask if thats on the diet etc.!! So, I won't be able to binge on fatty foods cause I'll have 3 other people who would notice if i broke the diet. I also am curious to see if it works, BUT what if it doesn't and I waste all that time?!?!?!? IDK....I am leaning more toward the diet, but then I am also afraid to put trust in crap like that....ahhh...well I guess when my mom brings a official copy of it home tommorrow; I'll decide.

I'll also let ya know how it goes daily etc. Hopefully it will go well, and I can go around giving it to everyone to help them out as well!!

Well, I gotta take some sleeping pills cause i will NEVER fall asleep tonight since i usually don't go to bed until 4 am anyway. I am in a better mood from talking about the hope from that diet, but still.......

oh, yeah, i don't have time now, but i wanna write about my dilemia about Saturday in here when i get back tommorrow. HaHa! It involves wearing a bething suit IN FRONT OF GUYS! Hmmph...I don't think so! but i am in a real jam about it.....oh, well i'll say something about it tommorrow......

ciao