Dear Diary,
So...do you know what it feels like when you are so insanely bored, that you just feel depressed and detached from life??? Well, I do. My summer is such a waste. I think I'd rather be in school or working or something because having structure in my life allows me to do things. I haven't done crap, and I don't feel like doing much anyway! I am so bored. I am tired of watching the Price is Right, the Golden Girls, and numerous music videos day after day. I am trying to get a job kinda, but before I know it, it will be August and summer will be over, and I will have nothing to say or show for my stupid, boring summer!! I feel like I am just wasting time and wasting my life away..lol I am kinda wasting my body away..lol..i know that was kind of a stupid joke..hehe...oh well. I like to swim, and read , surf the net, and watch movies etc, and those are fun things to do usually, but not when those are the only things consuming my life!!! I almost wish i were in school. At least then, I would be challenged, and I would be able to talk to tons of people. I feel like the only thing I do is sleep late, swim, not eat much, watch late tv, and then do it all over again. I hate it!!!
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If anyone who reads this remembers Scott (my ex) well, he called twice in ths past week. For some brief bckground info. cause i haven't mentioned him much (hoorah4me!) Here it is: Scott and I had a on and off 4 1/2 year relationship. We went to the same college 1st yr kinda unattached, but 'friends w/benefits' ya know; he joined a frat, then dissed me like last years fashion trend, and then thought we were still friends. We never really broke up; he was just very shady towards me and it pissed me off. He would call me, but then not talk much, and get mad when i asked him questions. It was so stupid. He was such an ass, but when i said ok, lets just not talk at all; he acted like i wasn;t being a good friend and standing by him while he was busy. WHATEVER- it was bullshit. He just thought I would still be around (cuz i always have) even after he treated me like shit. Ummm....--News Flash-- I DON'T THINK SO!!! I think it finally hit him when I told him I was transfering to my other dream college( which i planned to do after 2 yrs. anyway)... He ignored that fact until right about now. NOW he realizes that I will be 500 miles away at another gigantic college full of boys on my own away from him, and hes acting all different.
He just pissed me off so much in this past year, and he's a shitty friend, so I don't really care much for him anymore. I loved the "old" him, and he's so different now. I came to grips w/that fact through the last year, and now I am over it all, but I still care for him as a person.
ANYWAY-- he called once and left a message on my cell, acting mad cause i never call him, but i was on vacation and i TOLD him that. He just wasn't listening to me i guess(i.e.=normal shitty behavior) Then he called me the next night and left a message saying 'he REAlLy needed to talk to me, and that he hopes i wasn't out w/some guy or something because if i was, i needed to tell him.' I kinda think he mighta been drunk in that message cause it was like 2 am, but he does usually call late so i dunno. I told him we weren't ever gonna be together the last time i called, so i think he forgot that fact in his drunkeness. I called earlier tonight, but he wasn't there. I guess I will find it all out whenever he calls me back. I wonder what was so important? lol He either was drunk and wanted to see if i was w/other guys, or he wanted to ask my permission to hit on some girl. I already told him I didn't care. And I don't, which i think really hurts his feelings cause he cares if 'I' date other people. I don;t care though. Maybe if i was there, living in the same town again seeing him out w/girls--but I'm not, and i don't care at all!
I just can't wait to lose my weight and then look all hot and skinny when i go to visit my old friends in the fall. I told my friends from that college that I would come visit them in late August or early September, and see how things are going. Scott asked me to come see him too, and i told him I'd stop by probably. But really, I am going all for Scott, and the look on his face...;) I am pissed for what he did to me, but i really don't want his B.S back.. I just wanna stop by, and show him what he let go, and what he's missing. I know he'll notice the weight-loss, or he might just be in awe by the whole package (you know guys) Their attention to detail is pretty non-existant. Anyway, I wanna act like I have looked like that forever, and act like it's nothing like 'oh, yeah, i guess i have been exercising a lot since i've seen you last, hmm?' It's gonna be SO great!!! Plus, I am gonna be new to this other college, and I gotta look great then!
So, I have a lot of dreams to fullfill, yet they all require my weight-loss during the summer.....i guess thats the only thing i'm doing this summer, not much else..lol
Well, i'm about to go to sleep. It's the easiest, most fun part of my life right now..lol I have great dreams, and there is no temptation to eat--Whats not to like?!?!?
