Dear Diary,

Ok, I have so much to say, but maybe now is not the best time. I really should go to bed, but why, it's not like I have anything to actually DO tommorrow...lol Ok, summer boredom is starting to get to my head seriously!!

I don't know what to say about my diet, I feel so hypocritical. I failed ---temporarily--that is. At the beginning of Day 4 when I had to go to a concert w/my friend, I began feeling really sick and dizzy. I took some vitamins and immediately drank a ton of water and chilled on the couch waiting for it to pass, but it didn't. Then, my heart was beating fast and I was literally panting and feeling all sweaty, so I knew I HAD to eat something, but It was like a battle inside myself. I knew if I ate, I'd eat more and ruin my fast, but I also couldn't function being so sick and there was no way I was gonna be able to get ready, take a shower, and everything while feeling like i was gonna pass out every 5 seconds. I literally poured a bowl of sugary cereal w/milk and almost passed out in it at the table. I ate some, then layed my head on the table for a while, but then felt like i needed to lay down. I put my bowl of cereal on the floor in the middle of my living room and literally kinda plopped down out in the floor. I don't know what I was thinking though cause you can't eat cereal lying down unless your a dog..lol, so i sat up and ate some more and eventually made it to the couch where I stayed for an hour or so, and then I felt almost completely better. BUT NOT ON THE INSIDE.

ICK!! DAMMIT, I screwed up the fast!! I thought about staying home and saying i was sick and missing the comcert, but i have already isolated myself so much lately to keep from having to eat ,and i really DID wanna go to the concert....

Then my friend wanted to get something to eat, and blah , blah blah, it was all downhill, and i even ate a sandwhich the next day to make matters worse, but luckily my parents decided to go out to eat that night as well at one of my favorite restaurants....so at least when i DID eat, it was something good. I absolutely hate eating when it's something thats not even your favorite...what a waste!

But I am still gonna fast for the time being cause I need the faster weight-loss. But I know when I start my job serving at a restaurant that I won't be able to fast cause I'll be too weak. It's fast-paced hard work and I'll have to carry a tray that weighs like 60 lbs.! So, I am trying to decide how much i should eat for energy, but also exercise off while still losing a good bit of weight. I don't mind exercising if I can do just a little bit and exercise food off. I hate the times when I talk myself into eating a cheeseburger and then some fries and then I think I can exercise it off, Yeah Right! cause that ain't gonna happen! That's like 1000 calories or more, and you just can't exercise all that off!! A 50 calorie peach cup though--heck, thats like 5 minutes of walking on the treadmill, definitely more do-able..... But until my job starts, its fasting time.......you learn from failures, so i am either gonna be sick all day if i feel that way again or I am just gonna eat a few crackers and some diet coke or a peach cup until it passes, nothing too big---and then keep going..........

BUT, I gotta write about the concert in here sometime, and about the 150 minutes I used up on my cell phone talking to my Ex-bfriend on the drive home......yeah--its crazy, and i gotta tell about it..........but tommorrows memorial day and i guess i'll be doing the same thing i do everyday: nothing.

Well, i usually go swimming in the lake and lay-out, which i guess I'll do tommorrow, but man, it gets old EvErY-DaY.....oh, well...............ttyl >>>>>BELOW: What I wanna look like in a bathing suit this summer...ahh..wishful thinkin'