Dear Diary,

Ok, so........SO far my fast has been very rocky. OK, the 1st day--I DID fast, then the next day I ate and kinda binged a little, but i never throw up, so basically i screwed shit up, and then i fasted the next day, and then I ---ugh---ate the next day at like 8pm , I ALMOST got through the day w/o eating, why did i have to go ruin it. I know, i know, it's all about willpower, and i just need more, cause if i had really, really, wanted to, I coulda got out of having to go eat tonight or well Friday night. Why didn't i try harder. I just felt like i hadn't ate in forever and that it would be ok, but it wasn't. Cause everytime I eat a little, it turns into A LOT!!!! Fasting is not hard though, i never felt sick or hungry, i only ate just because, i wasn't hungry, tired or week at 8pm of a 2 day fast! So, why can't i fuckin do it!! Well, I am starting back tommorrow and I'm gonna get through until Monday somehow!! If i can get to Monday then i can be OK. I can get out of eating easier during the week, the weekends are rough--everyone wants me to go eat with them or go get something to eat with them, and it's so hard to get out of it, and i always want to go just to hang out ya know?!? Anyway, Spring Break is coming up soon, and if I am not skinnier by then, I seriousl will have to re-evaluate my life! I HAVE to be skinny by then! I am going to a very,very, popular destination in Florida which is only a few hours from me anyway, and i am going with all these guy friends and my other friends that our skinny girls. I can't be all fat in front of those guys!! I want to feel good in a bathing suit for once in my life. Sure, if i lose a lot of weight, my boob size will decrease as well, but i'd rather have small boobs and be skinny and awesome looking than to be fat with still-small boobs! lol Anyway, Spring Break is almost 2 moths away and i should be able to reach or get around my goal by then. AND GOOD NEWS! I am probably about to get a job, WHICH will allow me to get out of meal all the time--AND give me an excuse for the lost weight. I can say I went to the gym beore or after work etc? I can never eat again with that sure-fire plan!! I'll go to work at like 2:00 so I'll say I am going to get something before i go, and then say i ate dinner there,and come back late, and say i worked out as well!! Great! I don't know if they will believe i worked out though if i am not sweaty or in work-out clothes though.....Hmmmm......I don't know what to do about that? But still, it is a better plan than i was having to rely on.

>>Remember Scott? Well, we are still in no mans land. We don't know what's going on still. I am a art major so I went over and drew a big banner for his fraternity the other day, for their Rush. I did good, and it was a nice thing for me to do. LOL--I was so hyped up on the caffeine though. I had just taken some Metabolite and then accidentally drank a diet-coke (duh-forgetting that diet coke has caffeine as well) so I was so active, i felt like running even though I didn't, because i knew the feeling probably wouldn't last, but still I was energetic and not hungry at all! Well, there's not too much going on, I just have to get my ass in gear, and stay motivated for more than 2 damn days!!! I did 4 once, so why can't i do that again!! I can't keep messing up and confusing my metabolism!! oh, well, Fuck Boys, Fuck Authority, and totally Fuck Food!!

Goodnight!