hey, it's me again. Ok, so I am ready to start over again. I am tired of feeling fat etc, I am so ready to lose some weight. I hate not being able to find something to wear because everything doesn't fit or looks bad etc. I have to lose weight, and plus Spring Break is coming us soon too, and I HAVE to lose weight before then, so I might as well start now. The only problem is: how can I explain the sudden weight-loss to my friends? I was hoping to get a job, and then have the excuse that I went to the gym, but I didn't get any of the jobs I applied for so far, so I don't have that excuse to use right now. I don't know what to say. I am going to at least try to fast for 5-7 days and hopefully go on from there if it is going well, and i can get away with it. I want to lose atleast 30 lbs. or more, but if I do it by fasting, it will occur rather rapidly and their will be no way to hide my weight. I guess I can't jump ahead of myself, but still..... Anyway, today is DAY 1, and I'm positive I will get through what's left of it w/o eating. Tommorrow will be harder though, I don't have too much class to take up my time during lunch and dinner. I guess I am going to have to start saying i have to do something and go somewhere in my car for a while, and say i ate then? I don't know. It's all about willpower though. Most the time no one makes me eat, they just offer me to go with them somewhere or want to go somewhere i love to eat at and I cave in after a couple of days of fasting. But I can't do that this time. I can't keep yo-yo fasting, it will make it less effective, so I have to do a long one this time, and i am going to plan out all my excuses, cause i really have to do atleast 5-7 days or more. I have to do this though!! I am tired of feeling so inferior, I love clothes and I have so many kick-ass things in my closet right now that are a little too small, and i can't wait to wear them!! I am having to wear stupid stuff right now cause nothing fits, and it just makes me feel horrible, and i guess i could buy more clothes for my size right now, but i don't wanna waste money, besides I AM LOSING THIS WEIGHT! Plus, I wanna show Scott that I can do it, even though he never said i couldn't, but i wanna show him i have willpower and faith etc, cause he asked me the other day if i was going to the gym kinda in a -matter-o-fact-way like i should or something. He specifically said, "I thought you were going to the gym at so and so......" I was like well, i was, but my membership ran out, and i'm low on that amount of cash, he let it go and i changed the subject, but still, i feel like crap when he says that. Scott's not really skinny, but he's not fat or thick ya know, and i sometimes feel like I'm just his ole fat girlfriend or something. I feel like I am so much bigger than him, and that's NOT how it's supposed to be w/male and females traditionally. I don't know if i really am, but i just always FEEL like that. I actually feel better when i fast. It's empowering to know you can go w/o food, and you just feel lighter, more free, almost energetic. Sometimes I forget that I haven't eaten all day, and I almost feel like i did eat something just because it's routine to do so. Plus, it makes me feel good to know that every second i go without food, I am making progress. I I haven't talked to Scott today either, don't know where that's going anyway, wish me luck--goodnight--i gotta get tons-o-sleep!
hey, it's me again. Ok, so I am ready to start over again. I am tired of feeling fat etc, I am so ready to lose some weight. I hate not being able to find something to wear because everything doesn't fit or looks bad etc. I have to lose weight, and plus Spring Break is coming us soon too, and I HAVE to lose weight before then, so I might as well start now. The only problem is: how can I explain the sudden weight-loss to my friends? I was hoping to get a job, and then have the excuse that I went to the gym, but I didn't get any of the jobs I applied for so far, so I don't have that excuse to use right now. I don't know what to say. I am going to at least try to fast for 5-7 days and hopefully go on from there if it is going well, and i can get away with it. I want to lose atleast 30 lbs. or more, but if I do it by fasting, it will occur rather rapidly and their will be no way to hide my weight. I guess I can't jump ahead of myself, but still..... Anyway, today is DAY 1, and I'm positive I will get through what's left of it w/o eating. Tommorrow will be harder though, I don't have too much class to take up my time during lunch and dinner. I guess I am going to have to start saying i have to do something and go somewhere in my car for a while, and say i ate then? I don't know. It's all about willpower though. Most the time no one makes me eat, they just offer me to go with them somewhere or want to go somewhere i love to eat at and I cave in after a couple of days of fasting. But I can't do that this time. I can't keep yo-yo fasting, it will make it less effective, so I have to do a long one this time, and i am going to plan out all my excuses, cause i really have to do atleast 5-7 days or more. I have to do this though!! I am tired of feeling so inferior, I love clothes and I have so many kick-ass things in my closet right now that are a little too small, and i can't wait to wear them!! I am having to wear stupid stuff right now cause nothing fits, and it just makes me feel horrible, and i guess i could buy more clothes for my size right now, but i don't wanna waste money, besides I AM LOSING THIS WEIGHT! Plus, I wanna show Scott that I can do it, even though he never said i couldn't, but i wanna show him i have willpower and faith etc, cause he asked me the other day if i was going to the gym kinda in a -matter-o-fact-way like i should or something. He specifically said, "I thought you were going to the gym at so and so......" I was like well, i was, but my membership ran out, and i'm low on that amount of cash, he let it go and i changed the subject, but still, i feel like crap when he says that. Scott's not really skinny, but he's not fat or thick ya know, and i sometimes feel like I'm just his ole fat girlfriend or something. I feel like I am so much bigger than him, and that's NOT how it's supposed to be w/male and females traditionally. I don't know if i really am, but i just always FEEL like that. I actually feel better when i fast. It's empowering to know you can go w/o food, and you just feel lighter, more free, almost energetic. Sometimes I forget that I haven't eaten all day, and I almost feel like i did eat something just because it's routine to do so. Plus, it makes me feel good to know that every second i go without food, I am making progress. I I haven't talked to Scott today either, don't know where that's going anyway, wish me luck--goodnight--i gotta get tons-o-sleep!
