Dear Diary,

argh...i wasted my own time this weekend. Well, I worked a shitload, but I didn't make time for school and now it's 12:30 am, I just finished dinner and got back from work and now I have to work on this huge project for tomorrow. ugh.
I am feeling tired though. Don't know how I'm gonna do it all. I hate this feeling. I need to remember this, because this is the feeling I need to channel when I finally do graduate college. This panicked, stressed, feeling of procrastination and blame.
Wish i had some good drugs right now to keep me up and focused...hehe.

But anyway, I need to get cracking..I just felt like blogging for a min.
I think I want to start some kind of healthy diet plan tomorrow and this week. As much as I totally wanna fall into the ana lifestyle again, I really want to lose weight a more healthy way to feel better about myself. I might lose more faster with ana, but I am trying to make myself better overall. Inside and out, because I really want to get in a relationship sometime soon or just feel confident to go up to the guys I like. It's not like I can't now, but I feel like I have all these issues. Like I'm just playing games because I feel so insecure about my physical apperance and the side effects it's cause me inside. Even if I lose a ton of weight and look hot with ana, I'm still gonna feel so crappy and unconfident inside. And I just can't cheat this time.

I want to really take care of these problems and issues, which means more time, more focus, and a better me in the end result. Plus, taking care of yourself and exercising etc, makes you feel better about yourself. Doing it the ana way has the opposite effect on me. I get so super depressed and emotional....and on top of where I already am sometime..thats a train wreck.
So, I am mulling over some ideas. Thinking about doing the siberian diet and exercising. Just don't know if I can drink a gallon of water a day on my schedule. That was always my problem, that and stir-fry and the money for all that fresh fruit.
So, I'm debating. I have some slim-fast right now, so I'm just gonna work that til I decided and see how much money I need for groceries.

Anyway, I need to work on the project...and ugh...i can feel the tiredness set in. This is gonna be a tough night.