Dear Diary,

Hey, so Christmas went by pretty well, except I had to eat some for Christmas Day dinner, but I was feeling really sick and weak by then, so I really needed it to help be not get sick. All that riding in the car and not eatng just made me feel awful.

Anyway, so now I am really determined to get on a strict plan before I go back to school. Classes start on Thursday the 8th, but only for those 2 days, so I am really aiming my goal for on about the 12th which is a Monday because that�s really the first official day of school. I�m at home now for Christmas break, and it kinda sucks cause I have so much free time with nothing to do.

Oh yeah!! Forgot to write about it, but I kinda um�lost that new job I had for like 2 1/2 weeks. Well, it wasn�t actually my fault, and they got pissed and I just said fuck it because their management was crap. Basically, I wrote down my schedule �wrong� ..(actually I checked it like 50 times and wrote it down twice so I think someone changed it on the weekend I didn�t work) but anyway, I KNOW I wrote down the time that was up there and I called in at the time I was supposed to and they were all pissed cause I missed the first shift and wanted me to come in ASAP, which would�ve took me some time since I didn�t have my uniform or anything. We have an hour to get there but the girl talked to me on the phone about the scheduling issue for 25 minutes wasting driving time. So, they were all mad and I said I could maybe make it in an hour or so and that I wasn�t prepared because I didn�t think I was working according to the schedule. So, they were all mad and said that they didn�t want me to come in, and then the girl talked to our manager and came back and said they were going to take me off the schedule and �let me go� and I said a few things to no avail and was just like, fine.

One mistake and they flip out like that?!? I mean seriously! I�ve never been late, and I have been doing good�.Twice I made more money than any of the servers on a busy weekend, so It doesn�t look like I�m doing bad. I was just pissed at the management anyway..they are SO picky about every little thing, and it was really a hassle working there. I felt like I had to be so perfect doing everything there or they would yell at you, and they did�very often to everyone. But I also think it tells everything just because of the fact that no one has worked there longer than 3 months�so apparently lots of people have issues getting fired, quitting etc. So, no loss except for the money factor. I am kinda relieved actually and now I have time to do lots of stuff, but I am gonna look for another job cause I need money to pay off my credit card bills!

But there was a really hot guy that worked there, and it kinda sucks I won�t get to hang out with him much or go anywhere with that�but oh well, maybe it wasn�t meant to be.

SO ANYWAY, back to the present now with me being bored and hanging around the house for Christmas break. I am planning on going back to my apartment sometime to hang out and clean out etc, and maybe have some time where no one is worried about what I am eating. But I can�t stay there too long�.being there by myself makes me depressed and makes me worry about how bored I am and how much I am or am not eating. Anyway, so I am going to try and work something out while I am at home, and then be along for a while at my apt., back home again, then back to my apt for a few days before classes start.

I don�t know about New Years though, I wanna go back to my apt and maybe go out and party with my friend Miranda, but I don�t know about it. Drinking=calories=food to not get sick. So, I�m not sure about that, but I would seriously hate to just sit at home for New Years Eve etc�.that just sucks and screams �pathetic loser�.

So, we�ll see. Anyway, Christmas was good though, I got some CDS, some DVDS, and I got an Epson Scanner/Printer/Copier like I wanted which is very cool. Plus, a bag, some clothes, oh and Macromedia Studio MX which is like $200.00 which I have been wanting for a while. So it was basically a small number, big prices kind of Christmas, just like how it is for everyone when you start getting older. It takes less and less time too do the opening presents thing. I also got my boyfriend Clint a chocolate lab, although it costs more money than I wanna pay, but my parents said they�d split the cost with me and have that be part of their present to him as well. Now, I gotta work on payin the money for that which is not so great while I am now jobless.

I�m so ready to get started on hard-core dieting though. I do so much better with an all or nothing point of view. It�s hard for me to restrict or eat low-cal all the time; it�s almost just easier for me to not eat or just eat one small thing. But it�s gonna be rough while I am at home with the family�hopefully I can work out enough excuses and slide by while I am here temporarily.

Tomorrow starts the beginning of it�hopefully no food at all. I�ll update possibly tomorrow�since I have so much time on my hands now. Hope everyone had a really good Christmas!!

WEARING: Pj's my sister got me for Christmas

LISTENING TO: the sound of the tv

MOOD: apprehensive, thoughtful