Dear Diary,

omg. can i just not suck for a decade or what?
okay let me just preface this by saying, I just had a break-up (very needed) and I am probably kinda drunk.

okay, thats what u need to know....for grammatical errors and drama and such.

Will try to keep it neat though.

V and I broke up again today, but I feel it's real this time. I want it to be real, and while V is a sack of shit and doesnt' want it to be real, his mama is here and i swear to G that he said it's better to break up now cos hes not alone and his mama is here!!!! wtf!!! whatever, because it NEEEEDS to happen.

but b/c ur mama is here?!? omg!! how did i DATE this guy! okay, 2nd preface, there are probably going to still be MANY CAPS and mispellings.
Be warned.

Okay, so......pause....wine re-fresh break.

okay, better. not much left, but this should be documented.

okay, in short-the problems with this reltionship that i should learn from:

dont date mama's boys
or guys that don't LOVE sex
or guy's that aren't strong and can't make up their mind
or guy's who couldn't plan a fun date if the world was ending!

anyway,
what a WASTE of time! why why WHY didn't I listen to my gut feeling that Sept. when he insulted me and just drop him?!?! I was vulnerable and needed someone and I took the first nice guy I met!!! geez! listen to ur heart dammit!!

I have too much openess and desire, and I always give everyone a shot, but I have to learn to say NO! when I feel it and not be like, well lets see what happens, b/c that means I get sucked in somehow..

omg, and i am like more overweight now b/c of this relationship. We have nothing in common so all we do is go out to eat, the movies, bowling, etc....
and we are so lazy and awful!!

My first goal as of tomorrow, no eating!!
I am actually glad to be alone and have the power to answer to NO one!! Even yesterday (his mom is visiting from xmas), she was like, what r u eating for lunch today?!?!?

wtf? lady, i need to lose weight and u are obessively concerned with what I need to eat for lunch! Hell I am 175! I gotta lose some lbs!! **

anyway, i am happy to have time to just NOT eat.
i want myself back, and it kinda feels good. The real me is a badass chick.

okay so who is Blondigrl24?
let's discuss, because she has been lost for um over a YeAr~!!!!

okay
so
the REAL DEAL chick
is
sexy
confident
into being a badass rock'n'roll chick
into tattoos fucking what ppl thing
a nice hot body
rock'n'roll
singing
design
partying
having fun and living life to the fullest
taking risks to meet ur goals
dogs
fashion
music music MUSIC!!!omg!
art
beauty
taste
common sense
tough guyness
a chick who is u equal
fun and games
dj, music, singing, dancing, everything

anyway,
i either need to run away and leave this town like i typically do after a break-up or stay here and play ball. Damn, if V finds a sweet girl, I'll be jealous but happy for him. Hell, I bet you odds 5-10 that I FIND him the GIRL he MARRIES!!! Because If I can't have him, some damn sweet girl I approve of might as well. But shes gotta pass MY tests b/c V can't see what he needs more than he can see heaven above!!! And I want the best for him no doubt! Seriously, bet I don't do that.

But he needs a sweet girl that wants a nice non-man guy that she can suck up to and maybe not have a lot of sex. Fuck V!
What the hell!!! He's SOSOOOOOO not my type. I settled b/c I needed him at the time b/c I was out of control and in a bad situation and I wanted a rock. I wanted a normal nice guy after the drug restaurant scene w/crazies. I wanted to get my life on track and meet a nice guy and he was that, but for me, lifetime.....nah!!!!!!!!
never!
i wasted too much time drowning in my own self-pity.....lying in nothingness, hoping it would solve everything and knowing it prob wouldn't. What a loser! I am so happy I am snapped and slapped back into action! I have to lose weight asap!! and then get back in the game. I wasted my life. I wasted years of my life b/c of self-pity with this guy!!! WASTED it! I showed him the world, and fun, but I lost my life, I lost my goals, I sunk further into self-pity and hate, and fatness to disappear. Because I was afraid of anyting else/
well thats over. give me a month. IK'll be back on top. and MY SEX will be on FIRe....Kings of Leon type baby!!! can't wait!!!!! ah!