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�2004*Blondiegrl24*

more updates, short rant, takin in strays
Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009 // 11:40 P.M.

Dear Diary,

Just more updates:
I'm really excited about graduating, but starting to feel weird about getting a real job. It kinda freaks me out. I've always had jobs, but I've never thought of them as like MY only job. I've never felt tied down to one. But I know, once I make more money, I will want to buy a house or a new car and ya know...grow up. I like being flexible though. So, I don't know. It's kind of scary. I've been in school so long, and I like working part-time and going to school. I have enough time to hang out with boyfriends and friends and to go out, and do school and work stuff. I mean, it's pretty sweet. I like learning as well.
I just hope my real job is creative and with good laid-back people. It'd be cool if I could even meet some real friends there. And I'd rather it not be too corporate or at least a mini-cool environment inside the corporate environment.
I'm excited to see the culmination of my senior collection and be done though, but I think I will always take classes on things that interest me.

I really want to work on becoming a more healthy non-dependent person. I realize how I became really dependent on boyfriends in my last 2 long relationships. I really want to focus on me and making girl friends and other stuff like that. With Clint, I leaned on him a lot too. Now with V, he does SO much for me and I let him which forces my dependence on him. He takes the trash, does laundry, pays for most of our food and the dogs, and I let him a lot just because it's easier. Not that I can't do it myself, but I let him. After that break-in, I kinda wanted a guy to come in and be around and help me with things. I just let him do so much and let him in. I want to be more independent. I always have been, but I need to be even more so especially in a house environment.
I also need to work on my credit. It's kinda shitty from a lack of financial skill and understanding when I was younger. I got my first credit card, and I had NO idea what I was doing. My parents had never told me a THING about them. So, I really need to try to get it better for the future when I want to buy a house. I don't want to be like V and just hope someone else will be successful for me to sponge off of. He DOES deserve to chill a little bit. He has worked HELLA hard for real, but no body gives handouts. And even when we have had chilll downtime, vacation, he still cannot relax. It's really annoying to me because I can change modes really quickly. He's a guy that ruins my fun situations. A cool bar or club with music, and he ruins the vibe, or wants to go home early, or is uncomfortable or tired. He NEVER comtributes to the atmosphere.

I want a guy who loves classic rock music, who can amp the fun up with me when we hear a great song or are having fun. Someone who is strong and NOT whiny. A laid-back yet strong personality when need be. Someone aspiring who makes me feel better about myself. Someone who makes me LAUGH. I havem't laughed in a long time in this relationship, and I've never felt sexual pleasure (lest it was self-induced somewhat) It's just so bad. I can't believe it got so bad, and I LET it.
argh! I'm mad with myself.

anyway, I gotta stop ranting about my relationship.

I also somehow got a new dog. A stray named Rosco. I found him after work one night, and he almost got hit by a few cars. I stopped on the corner and tried to get him. He had a collar so I was planning on taking him to his house in the neighborhood. I saw him though and he was all matted and SUPER scary skinny. Then he kinda ran away and almost got hit again. I was like, shit, he's a shcnauzer..i gotta get this dog. So, I cornered him at the stop sigh, called to him and then got on a knee and he came to me. I put him in my lap in the car and just took him home. It was almost like a real emergency, he was so skinny and on the brink of death....I wasn't even thinking, just acting on instinct and impulse. I just was trying to save him.

He ate 3 caesars at home, and water, and then I bathed him a little. He didn't have any serious wounds and he was nice and shaking. He was so skinny, I cried and my heart was breaking that this poor pet of a dog was lost wandering the streets. He had been lost and not eating for over a month at least. There was no tag on the collar. We took him to the vet that next day because I was afraid he could give my yorkie a disease or fleas or whatever. The vet said his heart was fine, gave some tests, shaved the mats and we paid the $100 vet bill.
And he's still here today. He's looking a lot better, and he's a really great dog. Maya is pretty jealous, but she's doing better. I just had to keep him long enough to get him healthy, and he's so grateful. He comes to see me constantly and follows me around like a shadow. He's potty trained, he plays with toys, and he's great on a leash and in the car. However, he's really afraid of 'bad dog' and 'no', so I think he had pretty mean owners.
V was in a nasty mood tonight after work per usual, and Rosco had gone to the bathroom downstairs. I knew he hadn't gone, and it could be a risk so I didn't get SO mad at him. They did just eat earlier. He tried to run from V, and he grabbed him on the neck and his collar hard, and Rosco peed himself on the floor. V got upset by this, but I think he deserved it. He has been really tough on Rosco, and it makes me think he'd be a tough nasty father who might blow up on their kids and be hard on a son. But regardless, he got upset prob cause he had a flashback of his dad. At least he was nice to Rosco after that...a welcome change.
anyway he's a pretty good dog. Still wish i knew an amazing person who would love and take care of him, but I don't know anyone who would treat him better than me and my family. And he's so attached to me. We'll see.

it's gettin late. I'm sorry this entry was choppy. I just had to rant and now have to get to bed.
night!









The WeatherPixie

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