Dear Diary,

ugh...so not suprisingly, my fast didn't go over very well. I only did like 2 days and then I ate food. I didn't really binge at all though. I just chose to eat dinner, and then maybe something to drink before bed.

I'm just in this weird state right now though. I have to find something that works for me. I guess knowing that my parents and I are gonna work on my(hopefully new house) this weekend made me break the fast sooner. We are gonna seriously paint, clean up all the bathrooms, kitchen, and rip up the old carpet to either a)pay to get people refinish the hard floors or b) put in all brand new carpet.
So, painting and cleaning are gonna be such hard work and my dad has been complaining about me being tired and useless lately so hes gonna make sure I help out since it'll be my place. Too bad for him he doesn't know I was FASTING so thats why i was so dang tired!! gah!
But whatever, I do have to help out because they are doing it for me really. I'm excited to start on it and get closer to it becoming my own little house.
I've been anxious to start doing something about it and even though the work is probably gonna last 2 weekends, at least I'm one step closer to moving in.

I'm excited to live there but kinda afraid that staying there alone might not be so cool. I'm gonna have to do it now though. After all that work.
But anyway, about eating...i read some fasting info on the web earlier and it was totally inspiring me to do a fast, but I know I just can't right now. At least not with all this work ahead of me. I just cant fast, but I am thinking of restricting if I can.
I'm just so in limbo here about dieting. I am so desperate to lose weight right now and it's driving me insane to not be able to do a plan or something but i guess thats how it goes.

On another note, I *think* i may have gotten into the big art college I was trying to transfer to. They had a bunch of problems and they screwed up my admission information, but then I called today and some lady told me I was accepted and my letter was sent out on May 16. That was like 10 days ago!! So, with all the other problems...i dont know.. I'm just not sure if I can believe I'm really in b/c they've messed up so much stuff before. I wanna be happy, but I'm afraid to.

Also, after the recent visit to Kentucky to see my sister and her new husband (well they've been married a year, but it's still new) I think I've only seen them twice since the wedding while I was living in nyc and all that.
Anyway, Matt is having bad luck with jobs so I feel so bad for him. Hes had a bad time lately, and my sister just graduated with a masters degree and has yet to find a good new job so I'm just really praying for them lately. They are having such a tough time and they are happy good people, newlyweds. I wish things would get better for them soon.
There new Mac computer just broke twice so lately I've been sending my sister some jobs online, and checking her email for her occassionaly b/c I'm a computer addict and my computer is always on. Plus, since being back from nyc, I've just been sitting around my parents house laying out on the lake and doing nothing. So, I don't mind doing it for her.

Argh..I'm so excited to get my life back started though. New college, new job hopefully, and a new house.. Just back to my real life. It's been on hold for so long.

I just really gotta lose weight asap. I want to start everything off really good when I get all these new starts going.

anyway, I think I'm gonna go to bed soon. I don't wanna think about eating or dieting for the rest of the night.
It's all I think about anyway...i'm sure I'll be back plannin a new diet for the weekend.
gotta get everything back on track..