Dear Diary,

ugh..i so need to get out of my parents house! Not just for obvious reasons, but because I absoultely cannot function here. I get sucked into laziness and tv and doing nothing and it sucks. This place breeds nothing but couch-potatoness for me. It's just the scene.
I need to like go in a room with tile and a desk and some fresh daylight streaming in where i can concentrate on nothing but what i need to.
It really stinks b/c I am sO unproductive right now. I really am having cabin fever. I am here ALL the time, but I'm also trying to fast and lose weight so I can't just go out and visit friends b/c that ALwAyS means food and alcohol or some variation of that. Argh!

I need to write a paper for gettin into the new art college i want to transfer to, but i am so unmotivated here! And my dog maya is running around and always wants to play and I have to take her in and out to the bathroom all day. And all I end up doing is either laying out outside or layin on the couch and watchin tv til my mom gets back from work where i have to deal with getting out of eating dinner.
My dad is going to atlanta today and i kinda wanna go with him, but then there'd be no way i could get out of eating food b/c thats all he ever thinks about. On the negative side, i would get to eat some yummy food, but still..how long can i fuck my diet up for. How many greasy yet bad for you food can i ingest before enough is enough and i gotta get into the ana stuff again!
I think I'm just stalling...but then i also just would LOVE to get out of the house today, but my dad is going to my grandmas house to fix something for her, so that wont be fun sitting around there talkin to the old folks and watchin tv i dont wanna watch.
Essentially, all i'd be going for would be the food, to get out of the house, and to maybe look for apartments stuff.
But really, i need to get motivated and do some stuff at home! I don't know why i have such a mental block right now. It's crazy! I need to do some artwork stuff too and I just am so unmotivated and lazy here. It's so weird...it's my surroundings though. But it's totally weird to "WANT" to be productive, but it's almost like this space will not allow me to be. idk. i gotta get motivated somehow...it's pissin me off...but i also gotta lose weight and leaving the house always means food is around whether it's with my friends or dad or whatever.

argh..well i havent taken a shower yet, so i am probably not going with my dad. Which is kinda good since i wont have to eat.
i just need to write this paper so bad, and i have so many things to do and i just dont feel like i can do them here...it's so cloudy outside and dark in my living room and theres nothing but a big screen tv and my parents huge couch as well as my big huge black leather couch...it's like depressing.

idk, maybe if my dad leaves, i can set up some functional space in the kitchen...blast come fun music, and get motivated.
oh, fuck, idk...i dont feel like doin that either..
whatever. im goin to take a shower and i'll figure it out later.....