Dear Diary,

ugh.
I went home to Georgia last weekend, and ate losts of good food at home and GAINED weight. Like between 2-3 lbs, but still...yuck!
So, I am gettin all serious now.

My first goal is to lose 40lbs. to be at a goal weight for me. A highschool-ish goal weight.
I want to get there and then I will go on from there.

I would totally fast but it's hard to at work all day every day. I get too tired and start feeling sick standing on my feet all day and going up and down stairs. And it's really hard to hide not eating. We have a small mutual break room and I frequently have to eat with other co-workers and they notice if you don't eat. I did it once before and people commented. And I hate that. Not that one day is going to freak them out and think anything about me, but still.

So anyway, I am feelin so fat and maybe bloated. I forgot to take 2 birth control pills this past week and had to catch up so my period tried to come. So, I could of course have that weight gain b/c of that, but then again, I did eat a ton of food when I went home. My mom made all my favorites and I was planning the diet when I came back to nyc.

So anyway, tomorrow I am fasting. I know I can handle one day, and then we will go from there.
My roomates family is coming on christmas eve, but then I have to work the whole next week they will be here staying with us.
I know I'm going to have to eat with them a few times, because we will all either have dinner together or go out to eat somewhere. But hopefully, since I work so much, I won't be around for a lot of lunches and some dinners.

So anyway, the 40 lb. goal is on.
I am going to try and fast at least Friday and possibly Sat. Then Sunday, I'm sure we will have some kind of Christmas dinner or something.
Then maybe Monday and through that next week, I can fast. I don't wanna be feeling yucky and bloated on New Years Eve!!
So anyway, I just gotta not eat much no matter what. I mean, thats really what it's all about. Making the commitment, and then even when you are tempted with food, and COULD eat it...not. Like if we have a big family dinner...well being there and taking some, but not eating much or all of the food.
No one will notice much, but it would still help me to lose a little bit of weight and def not GAIN more.

anyway, i'm gonna try to get on here a lot and update. Thinking about it more, and updating will help keep me on track, and my goal set in mind.