Dear Diary,

Sorry i havent been around and updated.
Starting the new job has sucked all the time and energy out of me. I pretty much have no time to do anything--it really pretty much sucks. Not the job, but having no time.

Anyway, I dont even feel like talking about the job right now in detail, but it is really cool, and great. It's exactly what I was looking for. The people are wonderful too, and I totally fit in with the group--it's really nice.
Anyway, today was my first day off, and I was SOOoooo tired, and my feet have been killing me since i started. I wore some cool boots the first day, and after 8 hours of nothing but standing all day, my feet were dying!
I wore better shoes the next day, and then some others the next day, but 8 hours of standing is still new for me. And I was getting like 6 or 7 hours of sleep at most, when previously I was on a whole different schedule and getting tons of sleep.
So anyway, today was my day off and I slept for like 11 hours!! Crazy. My feet feel better though, and I feel better but i really just wanna relax today and do pretty much nothing.

My roomate situation is getting rough though. She is into this guy from work and she kinda has casual sex with occassionally, which whatever. But anyway, he came over last night and spent the night, but then she was asking me about her ex-boyfriend (the australian asshole), and that he wanted to come to nyc and stay with us for "a few weeks" until his cousin gets a bigger place. And he is a total lazy jerk and he totally takes advantage of her.

So basically, she knows how I feel about him and the situatuion. She mentioned something before about if he ever came up here and could stay and pay rent, and i said HELL NO! and pretty much verbally cussed her out about the situation for 20 minutes. So she knows I don't want him staying here overnight pretty much ever. Not that I care if it was one night or so, but he'd stay and never ever leave if we let him. And hes a total mooch. And thats all we need. My roomate and I are barely surviving here in new york and thats all we need, another lazy person who will eat our food, never take the dogs out, and mess up our apartment and cost us more money we don't have.

So he is SO not staying here, I will be moving out before that happens, especially if she tries to do it anyway. She told me she didnt want him to come though, but she didnt exactly tell him that with much firmness. I'm gonna be pissed if he shows up though. We are having really rough times right now, and we do not need to have him around.

K already doesn't ever take her dog out or take care of it, or do any of the things around the house because she never has any time, and with him, he'll expect her to drop everything for him, and she cant. And I don't want him here using our utilities and food and not helping around the place at all. No f-in way.

So anyway, she pops that question about him staying for a few weeks yesterday WHILE the other guy is here. I told her NO. So idk, i dont know whats going on.
And then she said my dog Maya pooped all over her bed this morning and wrote me this nasty note about it. Maya can't even jump up on her bed, and she slept with me last night so i don't know what happened. Turns out Maya had to go out really bad, and it's K's job to take them in the morning b/c I take them all the rest of the time. And she probably ignored her forever with that guy around, and maya got excited and did smudge some poo on the bed.. lol poo. but I looked at it, and it is one TINY little spot, like something you could wipe off with a corner of a wet cloth and be perfectly fine.
She just really had to go and she never took her out, but she didnt ever even poop or go the bathroom much at all.

I mean, I'm going to clean her sheet for her anyway, but her dog has peed on my bed before when it got excited too-and i don't appreciate the mean note like it was SO SO awful or something. It was one teeny spot!
So anyway, now I have to wash some clothes which I wasn't planning on doing at all. So now, although I DID start the diet yesterday, I'm not going to be able to continue it right now.

I only have $20.oo and it is going to cost me $12.00 just to get to work until Monday. So the other $8.00 is not enough to buy any of the other groceries I need, so I'm just gonna use that to wash the sheets and some of my clothes if I can.

It sucks so bad though, I wanna cry sometimes. But thats probably b/c I'm on my period. But just not having any money. And now I DO have a good job, but I don't know when I'll get paid, it could be for 2 more weeks or so! And I don't know how I am going to survive.
It costs me $4.00 a day to just GO to work, then lunch, which I can't afford. I can't afford to buy a lunch, but I don't have crap at home to bring one either so I guess I'm just gonna not eat, or maybe bring some crackers or something to eat. Whatever I can find at the house to bring. SO, it messes with me because there is a BIG difference in not eating BY CHOICE, and not eating because you can't afford to. It is really messing with my head. I've never had to feel like I am poor or that broke to not be able to eat--really. And thats how it is right now. And not having food for my dog, that breaks the camels back. I can't have that. I mean--i may suffer, but it brings tears to my eyes to think my dog might be suffereing b/c of me. I don't like this feeling. It's strange, and I don't like it.

My mom sent $15.00 in the mail that I will get on Monday, but that will ENTIRELY go to subway transportation to work for that next week, which is actually going to cost me $16.00 anyway. So, I'm gonna have to scavenge for change to get that just to be able to GO to work and make money.
It's so freakin sad and terrible. I hate even thinking about it.

Plus, my dog has no food, except this can kind that (obviously) givers her diarehea(see above) So, I just don't know what to do. I need to eventually buy some comfortable shoes for work b/c I don't have any good ones and my feet are always seiously bad by the end of the day. As in, I can't even hardly do much work after the 6th or 7th hours. My feet hurt so bad that it's all I can think about.

I hope it might go away though. Maybe the more I work, the more my body will get used to standing all day and my feet on the concrete.

ugh....and this roomate crap..i don't need that right now either.

Plus it's been raining hard for days and it's windy, cold, and rainy. Like 20 mph winds, and Maya won't go to the bathroom much in the rain. Not if it is pouring. She gets soaking wet and hardly goes. Thats probably why she pooped like she did in that fiasco. She was probably holding it for a good while because she hasnt been able to go since it's raining. So all around, it's bad, and I'm mad I can't do the diet right now too. I was looking forward to it, and now I'm going to be behind. And I was looking forward to maybe being able to wear some other clothes because it is getting colder and colder every day. I'm gonna end up being the only person wearing short sleeves in 40' degree weather!! But I have to until I can buy some other black stuff. We have to wear all black at work, and I just don't have a lot of long sleeve black stuff.

Anyway, so things are rough. I'm trying to keep my calm though. My mom paid some money on my credit card, but it might not go through until maybe friday or later, so maybe i can buy maya some food then. I won't have much room on it, but a little for a few things i need like maya food and transportation costs.
I wish I knew when it would go thorough and maybe i could use my cash to buy food for the diet, but i can't be sure when it will go through. So the diet is off for now. Which bums me out.

Idk. I'm stressed, and I just wanna relax today and do nothing. And I want it to stop raining outside so i can take maya to the park and make up for me not ever being here or playing with her.

argh.....okay, i'm bumming myself out even more by writing all this and seeing it all together in one big gloomy lump.

The job is great though, I do really love it, and the people. And it's such great money once I ever do make it. I am really working 38-40 hours a week though. And I've never had a real full-time job, so it's totally different for me. Being in charge of more stuff and working so long and never having time to be at home. I really feel like I gotta do something for Maya. I get home late, eat, and pass out, and I feel like she might not have a great quality of life if I don't figure out how to manage my time.

I don't know. Maybe I can afford the dog walker eventually...who knows.

okay, im gonna go rest for a while until around 4:00 when according to weather.com, the wind will not be blowing as hard and it won't be what it is now which is Heavy rain, very gusty wind 20 mph I can't take the laundry in weather like that. It was tearing up my umbrealla out there!! wild!

anyway, ciao..hopefully things will smooth out soon.... I gotta get paID!!!