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�2004*Blondiegrl24*

~Looking UP in more ways than one~
Monday, Oct. 10, 2005 // 12:12 A.M.

Dear Diary,

ah....bliss. Happy days. New job starts tomorrow, and I am super excited. I hope it works out to be something fun and great, and that makes me tons of money!

I had a great weekend, we went to a church choral concert at the Brooklyn Tabernacle today with my roomate and her grandma. They are like a 6 time grammy-award winning choir, so it was really cool. They even did this cool reggae song that was totally cool...it coulda been on vh-1 or something.

Anyway, some things are starting to get better, and I just hope it is the first of many more to come.
And just when i was hanging on by a thread for money and wondering what to do about my diet.....good things happen.
I only had $25 to spend on my diet food until I got more money from a paycheck, which coulda been an ugly 2 weeks. I needed money for the subway and for laundry though so it was a big dilemia. How could I start the diet and have enough for a week or more, but still maybe do laundry and have enough for transportation to my new job, on ONLY $25.oo!!! No way. So I was going to have to forfeit the diet food b/c I HAD to get to work, and I haven't done laundry in months b/c I couldn't afford to.

AND..i was going to have to ask my mom to send me some more money in the mail, but it takes 5 whole freakin days. I hate asking her too. But that would mean, I need at least the weeks worth of diet food. I was feelin kinda bummed maybe not being able to start a healthier diet and going back to eating whatevers around and feelin tired and not eating. But it was what I was gonna have to do.

BUT THEN..i talked to my mom, and I finally sucked it up and asked her for the money. And she said she already sent me some!!!! And she sent it the day after the $25 bucks, so it should be here promptly tomorrow!!!!!!!! yay!!! yayyyyyyyyy!! : )

THAT MEANS....i can buy the diet food tomorrow and for SURE start Tuesday morning for real, AND do my laundry, AND have money for the subway and whatever else!! yay! I am so happy. I've really been feeling yucky about my body, and the cold weather approaching so fast. I wanna be able to wear some of my cute winter stuff, but if it gets cold too fast, I will be stuck looking stupid wearing whatever fits instead of my stylish (slightly smaller) stuff.
And I just feel all yucky anyway, and I was looking forward to a refreshing lighter body feeling and a new job, and new good beginnings overall. Finally, out of my months of cloudy gloom from not having a job.

So I am SO happy about that. I can even go and buy all the right things I need at wal-mart by going with my roomate later this weekend. I am SO exxcited!! I am gonna be 7 lbs. lighter by next Tuesday! cool, and then 14 lbs. lighter the week after that....that is serious motivation. I just gotta make sure and try and drink all the water like the diet says and get in the hour of exercise, no matter what.

i am so happy....yay. Now I can stop worrying, and lose weight, and start the new job all fresh and worry-free. No more worrying about not having a cent and getting stuck in a bind....

yay!!

I hope things keep going like this, up and up, and up. And seriously ya'll, it's because of praying and my faith in God. I've always been religious and faithful, but not like manical about it. I drink, occassionally do bad things, and I don't like to tell people what to do with their lives if not asked, but I always live my life or try to, live it within moral standards of my faith and the Bible. I'm super fair, moral, and just, and I try to have great moral character. I don't like try to make others do the bad things I do, and I don't condone them, but I try to keep them to a minimum, and I eventually think I won't drink or do as many bad things once I''m older and more settled. I mean, no one likes a drunk, premiscuous wife.! lol
Seriously though, I pray every night, I read the Bible occassionally, and I have books that are great for relating to God and how to relate it to your every day life.

And I seriously have seen miracles happen in my own life. Really. One day I will compile a lot of them, but it is so easy to believe in God when you ask for things and you recieve them. Out of nowhere, things just happen...because you asked and prayed for them. And I've seen it. Things you never thought possible, become an instant reality. Life changing events.
So thats why I believe. And instead of falling into the downward spiral of depression and anguish after this terrible test looking for a job, moving to new york, God was my answer.

I kinda believe that this all happened to me so I would re-connect with God. I fell out of touch, relied on myself, and became more self-loathing each day. I think God made it "dark enough so I could see the stars." And bring me back to him. Because I got to a bad breaking point, and instead of freaking, getting depressed, or giving up, I prayed. I read books, I talked to my mom about it, I read parts of the Bible. I tried to be thankful for the nice things I did have, and pray every day and be thankful. And I believe it has worked.

I got a better job than expected, I'm going to make money soon and at a great rate which is good by nyc standards, and I'm coming into my own for my career path, as well as maybe starting a more healthy route to a better body and body image.
So anyway, I just wanna say that God is always with you and listening, even if you haven't spoken to him in a while, and he DOES produce results.

So be thankful for every little thing, you could have been in hurricane katrina, or that earthquake, or 9/11, or anything else but you aren't. You have a home, food, shelter, and hopefully family that loves you dearly. So be thankful! I see lots of people in nyc every day who definitely don't have any of those things, and with winter coming, it is going to be extrememly bad and lonely for them.

Anyway, enough chitter chatter....i gotta get to bed so i can get up for the job tomorrow. I'm really excited! I'll update about how it goes!!

ciao









The WeatherPixie

FADE // SPARKLE

I�m finding out that cheating gets it faster