Dear Diary,

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

i wanna be skinny!

dammit...i;m half drunk off wine and daquiris and bahamma mamas and the such..and i fuckin hung out with my skinny (former-anorexic) friend Sarah...she is so dAMn skinny!

I mean, she is modelesque!!

She's like 5'9 and skinny with long legs, lean, looks great like a model in EVERYthing....i hated seeing her drunk and intoxicated after 4 drinks and so fuckin beautiful even so..

i want that dammit./.

why cant i just NOT eat...

i can never get there if i keep eating so fuckin much!

why why why!

seriously ya'll, this girl is bea-utiful...and like she could be a model in a heartbeat if she was a smidge prettier in the face and dammit i want that SO bad!

And it's not like I can't have it..I'm holding my own self back.

But I feel so sick and tired, and weak when I don't eat. I end up caving so I dont pass out etc..

I gotta figure out a way to make this work....low restriction and or fasting...

fuck fuck fuck!

i hate myself for not being able to fuckin do this....even if it's unhealthy for me...i still cant fuckin do it.

it's plaguing me...my own downfall

i can't even be good at being bad for my own self!!

such a loser!!!

dammit...NO FOOD TOMORROW....

i hate this..

goodnight....

i gotta get some H20 so i'm not hungover for work at 1pm tomorrow..arghhh......no more eating fuck!!!!!