Dear Diary,

ugh

I'm feelin crappy. i wasn't, but then I got bored.

Anyway, lets not get into that..

So, today I fasted er--um restricted-whatever. Basically, it's fasting cause I exercised off all the calories I ate today and my body is still in pretty much starvation mode.

So today was the end of Day 2, and it wasn't all that hard.

Sometimes, not eating makes me feel great and I do get that high from it. Sometimes, it makes me feel like I'm actually doing something positive w/o trying. I feel like I'm accomplishing something.

But other times, I'm dying to be normal and be able to just go to the fridge and eat something real. But then again, food has always been so un-real to me anyway. I've thought about food constantly since I was 8 years old. It's difficult for me ot eat and not think about food. I mean, I can eat it, but I know I'm eating bad stuff when I do.

I can't remember a time when I never did obsess about food or weight or hunger or thiness and being fat. So, theoretically would it be normal for me to NOT think of food constantly??!?

Seriously, cause it's always been sorta normal for me to obsess about weight and food, so in actuallity, not thinking about food constantly would be ab-normal for me. lol

Anyway.....so I ate just a little today and I got by alright. I almost caved tonight, but thank goodness I have no food in the house. There was nothing for me to eat, and old peanut butter and wheat crackers just sounded like too much of a calorie waste and not tasty enough to blow my diet on. I seriously have like tuna and crackers in my kitchen. So, I mean-really....it's hard to blow your whole diet on eating something like tuna! I mean-it's good for you anyway, and it's not all that great. If I'm gonna blow my diet, it better be on like McDonald's or ice cream or cookies and chips and all that...not healthy bland tasting food!

Anyway, lets get away from naming 'blow your diet' foods coz I am not looking to do that. My birthday is in like 18 days and I'd like to be a good weight by then. I'm gonna try fasting/restricting for 2 weeks and then do this diet my mom once got from a doctor a while back. It really works. It's like a secret weapon.

The doctor wouldn't even hardly give it out, but he gave it to his secretary cause she was overweight, and he would only give her the first week of the diet. He was all weird about who she gave it to too. He said that if she got through the first part, then he would give her the other half. She was a fat slob though and she didn't do it, but she did ;however, give it to my mom who made a copy for me....hehe

Anyway, we tried it, and damn if she and I both didn't lose a good bit of weight! Worked like a charm! It's a medical diet made for patients to lose weight quickly before a heart operation, but it's not the "Sacred Heart Diet" or any of that crap.

This doctor was like Arabian or something and the diet was in arabic so he had to translate it anyway.

So....anyway, you are supposed to lose like 40 lbs. in like 8 weeks. So, basically like 6.666 lbs a week.

However, I lost 7 lbs. my first week. My mom only lost 5 lbs., but she didn't do the diet correctly every day cause she had to work and was only half-assin it.

It was pretty cool though. The scale went down 7 lbs. and neither she nor I gained it back right away. It was literally awesome, although it was pretty low-cal so you do get sorta hungry on it, but any semi-ana girls could DEF get through it no problem.

And parts of it, you could eat as much of this one food as you wanted for dinner, and damn thats good for us ana people since we're always hungry anyway. But it's just so cool that it worked.

You have to exercise like walking for an hour each day though and try and drink as close to a gallon of water a day that you can.

The only hard thing about the diet is that it's; obviously, not really user friendly in the real world. It's not a fuckin atkins or south beach diet. It's WAY too strict for that, and u can't incorporate every day fast food into it.

It's basically vegetables, bread, fruit, fish, eggs, yogurt, and low-sugar stuff.

The only hard thing to make for it was some vegetable stir-fry stuff, and it's not hard, but it just takes time. I'm thinking about making a whole LOT of it at one time and saving it and just re-heating it for ease.

Anyway, I'm gonna try fasting/restricting for 2 weeks, and then I'm gonna do the diet the week before my birthday. Hopefully, I can lose a large amount by then. I'm just gonna see what happens though. My birthday looming ahead is a big thinsperation for me though. I hope I can hold out for longer this time. I might do the diet the 2nd week if I can't keep restricting just to mix it up and keep me goin.

Other than that, I've just been workin a lot. Oh, and I wanna update about the rock concert/date thing too..oh and my hair!!

My hair rocks by the way! I'll tell about that later. Stupid boys...well actually I traded one for the other, but thats a long story and I'll save it for tomorrow...

I was so bored tonight and afraid I would eat if I didn't do something so I took anther sleeping pill. (i know--bad!) but I just needed to go to sleep and not be so bored and hungry.

So, it's prob gonna kick in in a few minutes so I must say adeiu.

Goodnight all!

*87

WEARING: t-shirt sofftee shorts

LISTENING TO: Bjork feat. Massive Attack--"New World"

Mood: Bored and maybe sleepyish