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�2004*Blondiegrl24*

12 hours of sleep and i guess this is the 2nd day of a fast??
Wednesday, Mar. 17, 2004 // 12:09 P.M.

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling a little better after that last entry. I slept for 12 whole hours!! I know! You can't get much more rested than that. I still havent eaten anything today. I might have some saltine crackers later, idk. I'm just not in the mood for any kind of food, and I'm not gonna force myself to eat it.

Anyway, Clint took Maya last night since there was no way she was gonna sleep w/me after she's been cooped up in the house all day. Then he brought her back at 9am this morning while i was still sleeping. He wasn't supposed to come see me, but he came in my room and brought me Maya. And he left, but then he came back, and he gave me a long hard hug. It was weird. I think the sight of me and my room and everything that is me just moved him to come hug me. I wasn't sure what he was going to do.

I think i did look hot though. My long blonde hair was touseled around my head, but not tangled. And I had left my makeup on from the night before coz i was too tired to take it off. Plus, I got a kick-butt tan from the beach, so I looked really good I think.

I don't think he expected to feel like that from seeing me. Thank God I didn't take off all my makeup and didnt need a shower...ugh-what would he have done if he came in and I looked all nasty! I thought he might do that though, so even though i didn't prepare, I'm glad I looked okay enough.

It's so weird with us. I have thought about it tons!! and i mean tons! and i sorta know what i think, but i dont know what he thinks for sure.

I think we aren't supposed to be together, not right now anyway. We are too different, yet we need each other as friends. It's hard though. And it's SO hard for me to distinguish my REAL feelings coz I am very dramatic and an emotional person. I feel everything deeply. What can i say, I'm an art major and I love music and creative expression in any form. It's just me to be dramatic and sometimes over-exaggerating about an issue.

So, it's hard for me to tell what I really feel sometimes. Is that just me being dramatic b/c of the situation, or is there really some feelings there?

It's hard to tell. But my gut feeling has always told me we weren't right for each other really. And I think as hard as it may be, I have to trust that feeling,like I should have the first time I felt it so many years ago.

Now, we've built up all this baggage of friendship, and relationship, and sex...and it's hard to let all that go.

Idk, I don't want to hurt him either, but i think we are both going to get hurt in the end. He's gonna think about it a lot more, and then we are going to talk about it.

Besides that, I am literally behind in everything that I am supposed to be doing. Yet I'm not stressing too much...not yet anyway.

I need to get off the computer and go to work too. I also need to hit up Wal-mart and get some pics developed and some stamps for the bills I gotta pay.

I also really need to take my dog Maya to the park so she doesn't miss being at the lake so much at my parents house, but I dont know if I feel up to it or if I'll have time, but I feel SO guilty leaving her in the house all day.

maybe i can get it all done. just maybe.



WEARING: Green coz it's St. Patrick's Day!

LISTENING TO: John Mayer-"Room for Squares" CD

MOOD: Indifferent

The WeatherPixie

FADE // SPARKLE

I�m finding out that cheating gets it faster