Dear Diary,

sorry i havent updated in a while. Everything is tons better now!

My last entry totally sucked!

Anyway, so the doc told me i shouldn't have even worried about gettin pregnant since we had sex when we did, PLUS i just saw the Talk Sex show with Sue Johanson, u know that old lady who has the sex show. Anyway, she said that every guy and girl get lubricated ONCE when aroused for sex, so the girl gets wet, and the guy has like the pre-cum stuff ONCE before sex and thats it... DAMMIT--why didn't i know this....cause Clint never came, but i was worried he had other cum stuff maybe while we had sex....but apparently they can only have that right before sex, and that was taken care of. ;) SO damn..i'm a moron and i freaked for nothin.

oh, well better safe than sorry, and boy did this make me realize that that will never happen again, and damn---i DO NOT want a family ANYTIME soon!!

All puts things in perspective.

So enough of that...so i got a good bit of money from Grandfather cause he died a little less than a year ago, and he had tons of money, and he gave the grandkids some in his will i guess, so i got a good bit. But don't freak, it's not a ton...i could go through it super fast, but it definitely helps my life right now.

I SO need to pay some credit bill debt off, so it helped with some of that already, and yeah i went on a short shopping spree and bought 100 bucks worth of clothes, but other than that, I am only using it for necessity stuff. I wish I could invest some or save it or something, but since I have to pay so much for my credit cards, and for the dog I just bought Clint, there would hardly be enough left to invest in anything, so oh, well. At least it helps me get a good start on things and try to make some things better in my life.

SO, anyway...i am back at college and in my apt. and gettin ready for classes to start back.. I fasted for a few days, but i am about to run into some problems. Thursday, the Led Zepplin cover band ZoSo is playing here, and I am dying to see them, and I always miss them when they come. So, I am definitely going which means, I will probably be drinkin..ahh excess calories....but i wanna go SO bad, and I need some fun, so what the hell.. I think I won't eat anything that day except maybe a little something before I drink.

So, I'm just sittin around watchin the end of my Sex & the City 4 DVD....yeah yeah i know....a little behind, but i don't have time to watch HBO, and I always miss the episodes so I am catchin up on my own time, but damn I luv Sex & the City....always fun, humorous, and with a good message (no -really) The themes do always have a good message, and are very thought-provoking....lol but seriously they do.

I am so much like Carrie too...so ecentric, but more with an artsy flavor. I am so opposite of Charlotte, and Miranda sorta, I'm more a mix of Carrie and Samantha. It also makes me see how bad I do wanna live in a big city whether it be New York or what...well just that I am not the marryin type kinda like Carrie. I can't believe she didn't marry Aidan, but seriously I didn't see her doin it either. But thats how I am, I do not want a family, and thats not what makes me happy. I don't know why everyone thinks your just supposed to date someone, marry them, and have a little happy family. Dammit, I am SO not the soccer mom! So far from it! I don't really like kids, and I'm not sure I really wanna have one...like sometimes I am wistful about being a wife and all that, but I'm only daydreaming, and then I'm like 'dammit that would suck having to clean up after other people constantly and puke and pee, and nagging...ugh!' I know, some people will say how nice it is and how it's worth it, but as of now, i don't see it at all, it's not for me.

anyway...i'm sorry, i'm just blabbering on....it's late and i need to get to bed....my puppy is waiting on me to turn off the light and go to sleep.

anyway, i'll try and make more sense and update more later.....

WEARING: It's cold as crap today so sweatpants and t-shirt

LISTENING TO: Entertainment Tonight...all about Britney's dumb wedding

MOOD: happy, positive, daydreamish