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�2004*Blondiegrl24*

Huge Ass Party and starting a fast 2-moro
Saturday, Jul. 26, 2003 // 1:13 P.M.

Dear Diary,

tonight is a huge party that everyone goes too..which i am excited about but then not excited about.

i wanna go, but i feel fat and i hate to go see all my old friends and people looking like crap!!

and to top it off, my best friend who had already lost a ton of weight from playing college basketball etc....has lost more weight cause she is on depression medicine and is having problems with her dad.

Her dad has been having some problems cause he lost his job and his kids all went to college and he just kinda broke down and is moving in with her relatives, and it has been bad for her. She can't stand to be around him cause it makes her sad and he talks crazy. So she got put on depression medicine and has lost weight, and also she will see her ex that she is still in love with tonight at the party, so she has lost more and she told me he could "eat his heart out"

So, i am happy for her to get some revenge like that, but everyone is gonna focus on her, and i am gonna feel like a fat loser.

i am starting my fast tomorrow, and i would've started sooner, but my boyfriend's 21st birthday was last week, so i knew i had to go out and eat with him for that, and my birthday was the week before that, so it's been a mess of food and celebration, and i knew i couldn't fast during all that.

Plus, everyone said fasting and alcohol was a BAD idea, and gosh--i need to get drunk as crap to not feel so shitty and fat tonight. At least maybe i can temporarily forget about it for a while.

ugh, i hate this, but at least after this night i will feel totally compelled to start my diet plan immediately!!

i am gonna aim for a 7-day fast starting Sunday...i want to go for longer but i figure i should set a smaller goal to go for at first.

Plus after 5 days the desire is less, and then after 10 days non-existant.

So i think if i can get through the first 5 days then hopefully i can keep on going past 10 and so on...

but i am starting with saying i am going only for 7

i am so ready to fast though. I am ready and i have to start now. I know people who have not eaten for 2-3 weeks who are ana, and they lost so much weight, and it's just like i need to do it for me. I just need to prove i can go that long without food and that i dont need it, and then i can get a jump-start and lose some weight.

i hate food.

it is the cause of all evils, why do we need it?

well i will post sometime tomorrow after the party and when i am well on into the start of my fast.

wish me luck

and gosh i hope my best friend doesn't look too too hot....but i know she will and i should be happy for her, and i am....

i just wish i didn't have to stand next to her all night!!

ugh~

im gonna get so drunk~









The WeatherPixie

FADE // SPARKLE

I�m finding out that cheating gets it faster