Dear Diary,

hey, I am feeling extremely depressed right now.....:( i know....the whole entry isn't depressing though, but oh well.....Ya see--I am still fasting (although i did have a few pieces of the candy today) but only cuz i had to go to the class and take it w/me...So, I am fasting, and "supposively" working on my research paper tonight..(my excuse not to go out) WELL--Jade tells me this totally annoying girl i hate, is coming up to go out tonight! I hate this girl, and i know it is a strong word, and i hardly hate anyone, but she is such a bitch and a 2-faced liar!! She also dated Scott for a while, and was a total bitch to me during it....She's so fake, and she kisses everyones butt all the time just for attention, and I just cannot stand her...It doesn't help that she's a complete dumbass either! I just cannot stand to be around her; she gets annoyingly, and obnoxiously drunk and then usually gets sick and whiny; it's so annoying! She also flirts like mad w/any and every guy no matter whos boyfriend he is unless it's one of the girls she trying to kiss up too. And now shes gonna be at my apartment doing all that! Ugh-

So, anyway, she's over here, and about 10 other people who were in like the class below me in highschool....blick...The only 2 i even remotely liked left earlier! And now they are all piss drunk in my living room, and are gonna make SO much noise all night!! My research paper isn't due until Mon. and I wasgoing to work on it some tonight, but i don't know how i can w/15 drunk people running around my house!! Then again, i feel like I am being stuck-up or unsocial by not hanging out with them, but i don't really want to. i don't know. I just feel like a loser sitting in here ,not drunk, and working on homework while they are all partying down.... i don't know how i am even gonna fall asleep since they are SO freaking loud, and I cannot be a bitch and tell them to be quiet or anything; they'd so be pissed and talk about me....I guess I'll just take my tylenol PM and hope that it knocks me out enough to block out the noise!!

I wanna fast, and i like fasting, but it's so hard to be relatively social...cuz the whole world just revolves around food!! It's so ridiculous! Well, I'm at least glad that I am not drinking down a 1000 calories from beer right now.....

--ugh......some strange guy just knocked on my door and asked me if this was where the bathroom was? ohmigosh....i am never gonna get to sleep tonight! oh, well....i guess i'm gonna attempt to go to sleep in a few; wish me luck!!

Oh, yeah, Scott called me all drunk last night and ranting and raving about me and him...It was so funny, but it was also at like 4 am in the morning and he talked to me for like an hour or more, and i ended up skipping math cause i was so tired since i had gone to bed late anyway.... He didn;t want me to come see him cause it would make things difficult for him cuz of that other girl he was dating...I was like 'fuck that!" but he was like' i really wanna see you" blah blah blah and all that drunkeness.... hAHa though, he thinks he is like so experienced now cause he slept with that girl or something! He thinks i am scared to have sex with him or something because i am afraid of his skills or something twisted like that...(although he didn't say it just like that) but still i have to laugh.....

It's so bad of me to keep things from him, but i know he could never handle the number of people i have slept with.....he thinks i haven't done too much w/other people, and I just dont know. I wanna tell him eventually, but i know he'll be really upset, and it might break things off between us forever for real! Of course, I feel like i can't be totally honest with him though, and yeah, it bothers me, but i know HE cANNOT handle it!! I told him like one small thing about me and a guy from the beach once, and he has never let it go--EVER!! HE STILL TALKS ABOUT IT & IT WAS LIKE 5 years ago, when i was like 14-15..!!!! How retarded!! So you know he can't handle an, "Oh, by the way, I've slept w/a ton of other guys than you."!! no way, cause he'll then want to know their names and addresses etc, so he can get all mad and crap!! ugh--it just would not be good.... He holds such a grudge against any guy i have dated before!! Scott bartends at this bar, and he won't even serve this guy i dated like a year ago who doesn't even know who he is!! It's crazy! idk.....i guess i'll visit him, and have fun, and then see how it goes....

((ohmigosh--their fucking singing a song in there!!)) all together--wtf? is this a sing-along?!?? ohmigosh, it's gonna be a l-o-n-g night.......