Dear Diary,

I am still fasting ALTHOUGH I had a slip-up yesterday, and I feel guilty about it. I knew I shouldn't have gone home. My family practically force fed me food all day!! It was terrible, but I am not going to stress about it too much. I am actually excited to get back on track and keep fasting. I did like the feeling i had when I was fasting. I almost felt more self-confident!! I felt so good about being able to go all day without eating and I never had to worry about food or what I would eat. I never have to think about what I'll have for lunch because I never eat it. I haven't eaten lunch at school during the day since Aug. 19th yet, and I don't plan on ever eating lunch. I liked fasting. Every day the scale went down 2 lbs. and I was one step closer to fitting into different clothes. It was exciting! On the 4th day, I wore a pair of pants I haven't worn in forever, and they were actually lose on me. Losing 4-8 lbs actually makes a difference in sizes! It was such a wonderful feeling!! I can't wait to start back fasting though.

The only thing that sucks though is the fact that I know I will go out this weekend with friends and drink, but that will screw up my plan ya know?!? I know I can fast until Friday, but that'll be the 4th day and it is always such hell ,and It'll be a disaster if I drink on an empty stomach then? IDK. i think I'm gonna fast regularly tommorrow until Thurs, and then maybe drink some Orange Juice on Thursday, and maybe eat an apple on friday before I drink. And the same on Sat. if we go out. Then Sunday, it's back to fasting over until the next week etc.

Ya see, I'm not sure I wanna get back with Scott or not. I still gotta lose a ton of weight before I visit. I would like to meet some other people etc. to see how I really feel about Scott. What if I meet a guy in the next few weeks that changes everything, and then I'll know Scott's not really worth it, and it'll be easier for me to tell him to Fuck Off like I wish I could... Yeah, I know, It's a pretty lame idea.... But someone gave me some good advice the other day. -You'll never know what your possibilities for a relationship are if you don't get out and meet people and try.- So,That does make sense....If I never go out and meet some guys, I'll never have a chance at even attempting a relationship etc. Plus, I don't want to sit at home and think about Scott or anything! He doesn't deserve that. I don't know, I'm just so confused. But I do wanna go out and have fun, and somehow try to lose some weight, so this is my attempt at it. And maybe I'll have fun and meet people. I have like 3 weekends before I go see Scott. And I don't have to go out every weekend ya know! Maybe it'll work--no not MAYBE---IT HAS TO!! I HAVE to lose weight by then, no matter what! I just gotta watch my cal intake on those weekends, and make sure I don't get sick....I'll keep ya posted on what happens.

Although, I did eat a little this weekend, I'm not gonna let it get me down, and the good news is, that I didn't gain back all the weight that I lost. I have still lost 5 lbs. so thats a start. I just gotta work harder this next week, and keep it up!! Wish Me Luck!!